I HATE SMOKERS...!!!

I hate smokers..!! I hate them... I hate them... I hate them...!!!

YESSS... I hate smokers... I think they are inconsiderate b*****ds, selfish peices of trash. I think they are just like a natural waste that should not be let exist in this world...

Look at me... you moron...!! I'm pregnant... Smoke your life short somewhere else...!!!

NEW YEAR - NEW ME?

Well... new year came and went and I didn't even realise it. It's not as significant as when I was in my 20s, or before I have children. No wonder people always say that your priority changes when you get married and have children. Have my priorities changed? I believe so...

In my previous entries I had voiced out my aspirations in life and what I want to achieve in the years to come. I once told a good friend that I wanted to be a CEO one day, and that I want to run my own company. Is this still valid? Frankly, I don't know. But those are some of what I want to achieve in my life. But to achieve those goals, I would have to make sacrifices, like my priorities, time and energy. I would have to be work-focus. If I were to pursue those goals, how would I divide my time and energy between work and family. Can I have it all..?

I'm selfish... that I have to admit. I want it all... (ahhhh... Bon Jovi's song rings in my mind... heheheh). I want a lot of things (don't we all..??). I want (1) a good job with high pay, (2) to live in my dream house at the location that I prefer (3) to spend as much time as I want with Hubby and the children, (4) to drive a car that makes car enthusiasts jealous of me (5) to have a doctorate attached to my name (6) to be able to travel anytime anywhere. And of course a lot of other things... If I were to list them down, I would need 3 days to do so...

But the bottomline is... am I enjoying life and make the best of everything? The answer is YES... I'm enjoying my life now with its ups and downs. Throw any hurdles to me and I'll make each one of them a lesson in life - to be shared and reflected from time to time. Someone told me before - life is hard enough without us making it harder...

ieja

THE END OF THE YEAR - 2009

We have come to the end of 2009. It's time to reflect. So... what have I done in the 12 months of 2009 that I can be proud of? WOW... I really have to pause (for a long time) to think of the answer to that question... And that just shows... hahhhaaaaa...

But I want to reflect in many ways... professionally and personally, socially and financially, and of course... spiritually... What have I done and achieved in 2009?

Professionally, I think I'm doing quite well. With the responsibilities given at work and what I have delivered, I've been rated as above average. With the recognitions from the top management, I think I am quite established.

On the personal aspect... I have Hubby and 2 adorable boys that I would die and do anything for. Another one is coming in April, which I forgot to announce to the whole world that it would be a girl :) Finally, I have somebody to gang up with. And not to forget, friends and family whom I can't live without.

Socially, I've managed to go to a few gatherings with close friends, of whom I considered friends for life. I have known these people for a long long time and if any one of them asks me for help, I would do everything I can to help him/her. I hope they feel the same way...

Financially, alhamdulillah, I have managed live my life according to my means. And alhamdulillah I can enjoy things that I love without having to have second thoughts. I can shop for the things that I want without having to feel guilty, but of course with some considerations to Hubby's comments :) That's how I keep check of my spendings...

And lastly, spiritually, I am immensely embarrassed to admit that I still need to do a lot of work on this aspect of my life. I shall make it my 2010 resolution to improve this. Insyallah...

Happy 2010 to me and all...

ieja

SNIPPETS

OF ABANG IQIE

Hubby's office had their 10th anniversary celebration very recently. They had a grand celebration in one of the old bungalows on Jalan Gurney. It was a blast with great food and entertainment. They even had a dance floor. We brought Iqie there and from the time we arrived, the dance floor was the thing that interested him the most. The music was playing, so he was on the dance floor even when the party had not even started yet.

Later, with the arrival of the other guests with kids, he began to attarct them. So he had a group of children dancing on the floor. The other guests said that he was a natural (I wonder where he gets it from... Definitely not from me and I don't think from Hubby too..). But he really killed every one there.

Even when the other kids had left, he was still on the dance floor, only to be surrounded, this time by the adults. They made a circle around him and he danced in the middle. OMG, he just didn't want to stop...

And BTW, he even got the chance to sing his version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on the karaoke machine..!!! TWICE...!!

He was the star of that night!

I think I'll upload his video later...

MY PREGNANCY

I'm in my fifth month now. But I work and act like I was not pregnant. I still travel almost everyday to Putrajaya, starting my day very early and coming back very late. Sometimes I had to burn the mid night oil to finish some work.

I am tired and my body hurts. I just wish that someone would be an angel and massage my neck and back. I really need that. But it seems that I'm in this pregnancy alone...!!

I'm pregnant, so I'm supposed to be emotional about a lot of things...!! Go ahead and shoot me...!!

OF AFEEQ

Afeeq has really grown up without me realising it. He can sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (his way of course!) with his little fingers making opening and closing gestures. Whenever we sing "Tepuk Amai Amai" to him, he will clap his hands and try to sing along. He can now say "Daddy" very clearly and "Mummy" not so clearly. I just can't kiss him enough.

But with my pregnancy, he seems to sense that he may not get that kind of attention anymore. He has started to be clingly... wanting me all the time. He has not been well these past few days, waking in the middle of the night and not wanting to go back to sleep and has been crying the whole time. So I have to hold him almost all night. He falls asleep only when it is morning.

All that holding hurts my back... And I wish even more for someone to massage my neck and back, and just be there for me... And yes... I'm being emotional again... So, sue me...!!

ieja

OF BIRTHDAYS AND ANNIVERSARIES

I have come to believe that the older you get, which is equavilent to a bigger the number in age, the less you pay attention to birthdays and anniversaries. I'm over generalised here, but at least this is true in my case.

When I was in my 20s, birthdays and anniversaries were very important. Forgetting the dates, or even to wish at the right time would cause fights. Of course this is true only in my relationships. But I had kept that sacred ritual for so many years, and it indeed had been established and cherised.

But recently, my birthday and my wedding anniversary were not being hyped. Wishes were given, celebrations were done, but the sacred ritual was missing. I still have not got any of my presents... Not even a card anymore (don't get me started on that one!!). I tried to shake away this feeling of incompleteness. But even after months, I still keep on thinking about them. I've asked, but my questions were not taken seriously. And I think today, I have stopped asking for them. But the feeling is still there. I don't want to impose, but... it's that feeling again... it just won't go away.

I'm not sure whether it is because we are so busy with things, like work and the children, that we tend to take these things for granted. Or is it because we think that the other party is just not taking it seriously... BUT I DO...!!! It does matter to me...!! Unfortunately, that message just doesn't get through...

I can't be asking every other day. I'm getting tired of asking... But efforts to find the presents and to surprise me are just not apparent anymore. The lack of interest is... And the results... of course... retribution on my part!!

ieja

SOMETHING TO SHARE ON KNOWLEDGE MANAGEMENT

I have been one of the implementers of knowledge management (KM) in my organisation. We have the system up and running and put the change management in place. We had also formally launched the system sometime in June this year. Apar from that, I sometimes give presentations on KM to other organisations. Interestingly, I am also part of the project team who is implementing KM in the Malaysian Government as a pilot project in 2 ministries and 1 central agency. Another 1 central agency is queueing to particpate in this pilot project, making it 2 central agencies piloting this.

But, what is interesting to note is that as an organisation that claims to be the advocate of KM, we sure don't practise what we preach to the fullest. We told our KM clients that leadership is important. That the top management buy-in and support are crucial in the success of the KM implementation in their organisation. We have also been stressing to the clients that there should be a proper KM governance in place. There should be a dedicated internal team managing the implementation and change management to ensure the success of their KM initiative. Let's not start with changing the working culture, putting the right process, etc. ect. etc. And of course, a whole lot of other things as well... All in the name of successful implementation of KM.

But preaching is easier than practising... In reality, what happens in my organisation is that... YES there is huge top management buy-in, but very little support in terms of putting the proper KM governance in place. There is no full time KM Manager being hired. There are no clear and defined roles and responsibilities of those who are supposed to be the implementers of KM in the organisation. The KM KPIs are in place, but they are not properly measured in terms of ensuring that knowledge sharing, application and dissemination are taking place effectively. In short, the implementer team was pulled out of the project before we could see and measure the success of the implementation in our own organisation. Yet, we preach KM so vigirously to our clients on so many things...

Another interesting thing to note and observe is the project team that is implementing KM in the Government. You would think that these people would be the experts and be the SMEs on KM since we have our own KM implemented and since we are the KM consultants to these organisations. They are so confident when presenting their KM cases to our clients starting from the KM Strategic Blueprint, KM system and now the change management to ensure the success of the KM initiative in the respective ministry/agency. But the truth is... these people DON'T EVEN WALK THE TALK. They don't share at all... There are no knowledge sharing sessions take place, there are no documents being passed around to avoid the team members from re-inventing the wheels. There are no lessons learnt being initiated and shared to ensure that the same mistakes are not repeated. Everyone is working in silos. I don't even know what the other team members are doing in the other ministry/agency. These people don't even access to our own company's knowledge management system.

And we call ourselves the experts and the advocates of KM...

ieja

BEING AWAY

I'm in Singapore at the moment. I'm supposed to be on a Knowledge Management's "crusade". I'm here for a KM conference at Suntec Convention Centre. It starts tomorrow and the day after that. I was actually looking forward to it.

The thing is, I have to be away from my family for 3 days. I had this thugging feeling as I was leaving Iqie and Afeeq this morning. Well for god's sake... it isn't going to be that long and it isn't that far... But still... there was this feeling...

And now, I'm sitting in the hotel room waiting for Hubby to skype me. Where is he?

I just want to talk to my sons...

ieja