My Own Desperate Housewives & Sex and the City

For a while now I have been meeting up with a group of friends whenever we can to catch up on Friday. We call ourselves Desperados... LOL! Yes I know the name is so quirky, but it works for us. Different faces came whenever we had our 'congregation', but the usual ones are yours truly, an old and best friend from my high school, and two old friends from my college.

We usually meet up either in KL Sentral (because of the convenience of the LRT) or in Bangsar (usually in Delicious - Bangsar Village). Other regular faces are also friends from the old workplace that have become close to me.

These are the people that I care about the most besides my family.

What do we do when we meet up? We bitch (most of the time), we laugh at each other silly, we bitch some more, we share our successes and sorrows, we confide in each other, we listen to each other, and most importantly, we give our shoulders for everyone to cry on...

The congregation has become part of me so much that whenever there is news to be shared, one will be planned. And frankly, this is what has kept me going when I was down in the turf especially in the first few months of me joining the new company.

I hope this will become a ritual for all of us years to come even after everyone has become someone somewhere. And I also hope that the ritual has done them good as it has done me.

ieja

The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow

Several months ago I was really unhappy with my work, the people around me at work and especially those who were supposed to be my immediate down liners. The root of my unhappiness? Pretty simple... they did not share the sense of urgency, accountability, the need to strive for the best in delivering results, etc. These people were like the government servants in the era of 80s (sorry that I have to use such analogy).

But what Hubby said was true. He is my king of logic after all :P He said all those things would pass and whoever survive the tide would be the winner. True enough, last Friday, my boss (I have pronounced him to be my Mentor - he didn't know this of course :)) called me for a career chat. We talked about how he made a career suicide with his ultimate boss at the Group level, and how he was content with where he was at the moment. But he acknowledged that I was ambitious and worked hard to get where I wanted to be. I did ask him how fast I could climb up the corporate ladder in the organisation after only being there for 6 months :))

And what he conveyed that day was really something that I would remember for the rest of my life. He said that I had been earmarked for being his successor. He was requested by his ultimate boss to head somewhere else, and that the CEO of the company had requested for me to take over from him. His exact words were "I would be really upset if you leave the company". Another recognition that made me really feel proud of myself was the fact that the ultimate boss at the Group level had told my boss to take me with him when he leaves next year.

I was so on the cloud nine after that conversation that I didn't give a damn that my big event later that evening didn't go that well (there was a shortage of food for dinner planned for 1000 ++ pax).

I realised that all these boiled down to one thing - if you're honestly working hard to get what you want, insyaallah, God will show you the way and opportunity will prevail itself. I am thankful (alhamdulillah) to God for this and pray that my rezeki will always be guarded by Him.

Amin.

ieja

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011

Aidilfitri this year was a low key event for me, hubby and the kids. We did very very early raya shopping. In fact, some were done when we went to Bandung in January early this year. So that actually took care of some of the things that Hubby and I needed to do and buy - with twice the savings!

This year was Kota Bahru's turn. But after our last bad experience braving the traffic during last year Aidiladha, we had decided to fly instead of driving. I can't tell you how glad I was in making that decision. We didn't have to put up with 10-12 hours of tiring and chaotic journey. I just can't imagine having 3 restless small kids in a confined and moving space. I believe I could go mad...

Our flight was just for an hour. Abang Iqie, Abang Afeeq and Rayna were behaving themselves all the way. They were really an angle especially when we flew back to KL.

Previous years, I would call my parents to wish them Happy Aidilfitri in the morning itself. And without fail, I would cry! This year, I determined not to... and to make sure that didn't happen, I devised a clever plan. I didn't call them! Instead, I MMS them Rayna's photo in Baju Kurung (traditional Malay attire for girls) and wished them. That took care of the tears hahahaha...

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

ieja

Am So Not Happy

I still feel sad and upset with what was said about me. I think i am still badly affected with what my boss said to me yesterday. Knowing that there is a group of people who does not share my professional values, ways of thinking and ways of doing things.

With that in mind I now have started to question myself. Am I suitable to be in the company? I have never questioned my role in any company I have worked for before. I have always been able to adopt. Most of my bosses and colleagues would want to work with me again. That alone is a testimonial to my ability and my contribution.

Is it me or is it them? How should I approach this situation? Now in my mind, these people are hypocrites. Why can't they say it to my face?

ieja

Reality Check

Ever since I came to this new company (pretty soon, I won't be able to use the term "new company"), I have established the need to have personal sessions with my boss as and when needed. I think I have made an impression on him that I appreciate honest and open communication between us - me providing feedback on my part about work and him providing feedback on my performances and other work-related matters. I'm in my 7th month working for him now and we have had about 3 of such sessions.

This morning, I had another such session with him - our "reality check session". BTW, I was away from the office for almost 2 weeks at the beginning of the month. And his story began with "while you were away...". He said that he talked to a few people to gauge how they feel about my new role in the company and mostly to elicit feedback on the progress of some things that I've been working on with these people. The feedback given to him was very interesting...

He started by saying that while those people were appreciative the knowledge that I brought in to the company and the areas that they were working on, one particular thing that they wished I had done was to acknowledge the depth of their knowledge. They feel that there was a big gap and that when they were assigned tasks, they were not able to meet my expectations, that I sort of "demanded" more than what they could deliver.

Well... I am working on that part :)) And the boss knows about it. But I find it very hard to balance up between giving tasks to people and expect them to deliver something which is of a low quality. And I find it hard to balance up between instructing and eliciting to get something done. I expect people to come to me with questions if they don't understand my instructions or what is it that they need to deliver. I also expect people to be independent enough to look for information and resourceful enough to provide solutions to a problem before they admit that they can't do certain tasks. Wouldn't that what any bosses want from a staff? I don't think I have met a boss who can tolerate a staff who is dependent on him/her for everything.

At the same time, I don't think I micromanage everything. I am very structured - that I guilty admit. But I think I allow people to creatively work around their deliverable. Hmmm.. how do you satisfy different people with 1 solution?

I am at the brink of giving up. It frustrates me... maybe as much as I frustrate other people here...

ieja

Lunch with a Friend

I had lunch with a friend last week. We talked about work, catching up with each other's happenings. But what was dear to me was the conversation that we had about us being a parent and about our children.

When we talked about work, we were all serious, negotiating terms and conditions, and stating terms of reference. But when we talked about our children, I immediately noticed how our tone changed from businesslike to affection and love. I guess that's how mothers are. We talked about the juggling work that we have to do, how she was coping with her hubby away for many months now, her twins and school. Me with my obsession of clean floors, having to wake up after midnite to finish work. And one common thing that we shared was how much we didn't want to miss out the years now with our children as they grow up.

I have always wanted to fast track my career. She did that faster than me. But we agreed that we shouldn't miss out the fun and laughter and the pain of raising our children. But we are stuck sometimes (or most of the time) between chasing our dreams of becoming a certain someone in the corporate world and being there all the time for our children. We realised that these are the years that our children need us the most. The time when we can shape them to better people, and prepare them for the cruel world. If we are not engaged now, we will never be able to be part of that important 'growing up' phase.

At the same time, we also know that once our children are independent enough, they won't need us as much as they need us now. And the only thing that we can fall back to is our achievements in the corporate world. What will we do if suddenly our children say "mummy, I know how to do this. I don't need you now?" That part of growing is bound to come. And in Malaysia, it is very hard to climb that corporate ladder for women of a certain age. So the important question here is... how do we do the balancing act?

How I wish I could just stay at home and be there when Iqie, Afeeq and Rayna woke up every morning, had meals with them, sent them to schools, tuitioned them myself, and put them to bed with bedtime stories. But reality is pretty hard to swallow...

At the same time, I wish I could unleash 150% of my potential so that I could be on top of that ladder, and be that someone whose a company depended on to perform.

ieja

A Perfectionist Am I?

Being in the support department and seeing how things are delivered got me dumbstruck. I basically was culture shocked. But not as shocked as the department with my regime of doing things...

No doubt before being a consultant I was in operations (if you count managing a language centre was). But I never ever remember my life back then to be slow, doing just enough, or shying away from improving things. When I came on board in the new company, those were how I felt about the people in the department.

I am in charged of setting up mini project teams to design, plan and execute projects which are very much related to policy reviews and process improvements. I am struggling big time... not because there are so many things to do with so little time and resources. But because there is plenty of resources whining that they have a lot of things to do when most of the time they were busy gossiping and doing something else.

Tu la dia org melayu... bitching lebih.. gaji kecik, tak dapat bonus bukan main melompat. Tapi bila suh buat keje lebih sket bukan main mengelak... bila org lain dpt lebih sket, mula la mulut murai cakap bukan2... cermin la diri sendiri dulu. Cakap banyak je tau... kalu kerja jalan, keje bagus tu tak pe la jugak...

*Sigh*

ieja