Am So Not Happy

I still feel sad and upset with what was said about me. I think i am still badly affected with what my boss said to me yesterday. Knowing that there is a group of people who does not share my professional values, ways of thinking and ways of doing things.

With that in mind I now have started to question myself. Am I suitable to be in the company? I have never questioned my role in any company I have worked for before. I have always been able to adopt. Most of my bosses and colleagues would want to work with me again. That alone is a testimonial to my ability and my contribution.

Is it me or is it them? How should I approach this situation? Now in my mind, these people are hypocrites. Why can't they say it to my face?

ieja

Reality Check

Ever since I came to this new company (pretty soon, I won't be able to use the term "new company"), I have established the need to have personal sessions with my boss as and when needed. I think I have made an impression on him that I appreciate honest and open communication between us - me providing feedback on my part about work and him providing feedback on my performances and other work-related matters. I'm in my 7th month working for him now and we have had about 3 of such sessions.

This morning, I had another such session with him - our "reality check session". BTW, I was away from the office for almost 2 weeks at the beginning of the month. And his story began with "while you were away...". He said that he talked to a few people to gauge how they feel about my new role in the company and mostly to elicit feedback on the progress of some things that I've been working on with these people. The feedback given to him was very interesting...

He started by saying that while those people were appreciative the knowledge that I brought in to the company and the areas that they were working on, one particular thing that they wished I had done was to acknowledge the depth of their knowledge. They feel that there was a big gap and that when they were assigned tasks, they were not able to meet my expectations, that I sort of "demanded" more than what they could deliver.

Well... I am working on that part :)) And the boss knows about it. But I find it very hard to balance up between giving tasks to people and expect them to deliver something which is of a low quality. And I find it hard to balance up between instructing and eliciting to get something done. I expect people to come to me with questions if they don't understand my instructions or what is it that they need to deliver. I also expect people to be independent enough to look for information and resourceful enough to provide solutions to a problem before they admit that they can't do certain tasks. Wouldn't that what any bosses want from a staff? I don't think I have met a boss who can tolerate a staff who is dependent on him/her for everything.

At the same time, I don't think I micromanage everything. I am very structured - that I guilty admit. But I think I allow people to creatively work around their deliverable. Hmmm.. how do you satisfy different people with 1 solution?

I am at the brink of giving up. It frustrates me... maybe as much as I frustrate other people here...

ieja

Lunch with a Friend

I had lunch with a friend last week. We talked about work, catching up with each other's happenings. But what was dear to me was the conversation that we had about us being a parent and about our children.

When we talked about work, we were all serious, negotiating terms and conditions, and stating terms of reference. But when we talked about our children, I immediately noticed how our tone changed from businesslike to affection and love. I guess that's how mothers are. We talked about the juggling work that we have to do, how she was coping with her hubby away for many months now, her twins and school. Me with my obsession of clean floors, having to wake up after midnite to finish work. And one common thing that we shared was how much we didn't want to miss out the years now with our children as they grow up.

I have always wanted to fast track my career. She did that faster than me. But we agreed that we shouldn't miss out the fun and laughter and the pain of raising our children. But we are stuck sometimes (or most of the time) between chasing our dreams of becoming a certain someone in the corporate world and being there all the time for our children. We realised that these are the years that our children need us the most. The time when we can shape them to better people, and prepare them for the cruel world. If we are not engaged now, we will never be able to be part of that important 'growing up' phase.

At the same time, we also know that once our children are independent enough, they won't need us as much as they need us now. And the only thing that we can fall back to is our achievements in the corporate world. What will we do if suddenly our children say "mummy, I know how to do this. I don't need you now?" That part of growing is bound to come. And in Malaysia, it is very hard to climb that corporate ladder for women of a certain age. So the important question here is... how do we do the balancing act?

How I wish I could just stay at home and be there when Iqie, Afeeq and Rayna woke up every morning, had meals with them, sent them to schools, tuitioned them myself, and put them to bed with bedtime stories. But reality is pretty hard to swallow...

At the same time, I wish I could unleash 150% of my potential so that I could be on top of that ladder, and be that someone whose a company depended on to perform.

ieja

A Perfectionist Am I?

Being in the support department and seeing how things are delivered got me dumbstruck. I basically was culture shocked. But not as shocked as the department with my regime of doing things...

No doubt before being a consultant I was in operations (if you count managing a language centre was). But I never ever remember my life back then to be slow, doing just enough, or shying away from improving things. When I came on board in the new company, those were how I felt about the people in the department.

I am in charged of setting up mini project teams to design, plan and execute projects which are very much related to policy reviews and process improvements. I am struggling big time... not because there are so many things to do with so little time and resources. But because there is plenty of resources whining that they have a lot of things to do when most of the time they were busy gossiping and doing something else.

Tu la dia org melayu... bitching lebih.. gaji kecik, tak dapat bonus bukan main melompat. Tapi bila suh buat keje lebih sket bukan main mengelak... bila org lain dpt lebih sket, mula la mulut murai cakap bukan2... cermin la diri sendiri dulu. Cakap banyak je tau... kalu kerja jalan, keje bagus tu tak pe la jugak...

*Sigh*

ieja

Life So Far...

I'm not sure if I have mentioned anywhere that another highlight of my life was that I had moved on from being a consultant to being an HR personnel in the financial services industry. I resigned from a consultancy company to join one of the biggest financial services provider in Malaysia. I really hope that it was a smart move on my part. So far, I have no complaints :))

I resigned in December 2010. Took a short break and started work in this new company in the middle of January 2011. It was a twist of fate that I joined the company. In my last assignment as a consultant, I was engaged in a transformation project (one of the biggest in the financial services industry, and I don't think I have mentioned this in any of my entry before). That company was interested to pinch me to be their permanent staff and to cut the long story short, I was interested too because of the benefits that I would get. So after all the drama with both company's CEOs, my (ex) boss finally gave in and the offered was made formally. Unfortunately, the package offered by the Group HR of that company was not the same as the one made by the hiring manager. So there was a bit of ding dong there because unfortunately the hiring manager was on marriage leave when all that happened. So, to cut the story short again, I was already unemployed by early January 2011, went for another interview by another company of the same nature, and was offered an attractive package. Without further delay and (of course) just to spite the other company's Group HR and the hiring manager, I accepted the offer. And here I am serving this new company as a Projects and Communications Manager of the HR Department.

How the hell did I end up from being a teacher to a project and communications specialist? Only God knows...

Here I am today, writing all this in Menara Telekom where we are doing our first ever HR Road Show especially for about 1,500 staff displaying all the company's HR policies, procedures and guidelines. And I am proud to say that this is my brainchild and that it is a huge success. This was reaffirmed by the Group HR who came to witness this and said "excellent!" I am just glad things work out well for me here. The Management is happy... I am happier.

ieja

Long Time No News...!!

Oh boy... I am so guilty! I haven't been to this site for almost a year... So, what's up? A LOT!
A quick catch up..

1. Rayna is going to be exactly a year on 25 April 2011
2. After writing my last entry last year, we moved into our new house and we love everything about it. So July 2011 will also be our first moving-into-the-new-house anniversay
3. 24 April 2011 will be our Stream's first birthday
4. Abang Iqie is still very much into Ben 10. But now he's also branched out.. he's into (Cartoon Network) GENERATOR REX by the same people who created Ben 10. And like Ben 10, he has us hooked to it too...
5. Abang Afeeq is pretty much the same cool but don't-mess-with-me Afeeq. He can speak quite well now, but of course in his 'slang'. If you are not used to listening to him talking, you'll take a while before knowing what he is talking about.
6. THE MOST SHOCKING NEWS - Our SuperEK was stolen...!! Right under our nose (while parked at our parking spot). This devastating event happened on 24 October 2010. And just a day ago, we went to collect the check from the insurance company. The sad part is, we lost our bragging right and our cult status with that car gone. The bright side, on the other hand, we're a few thou richer.

So, those are the highlights of my life since July last year to this date. I'll make it a point to continue writing. Next, may be about my new job... :P

ieja

WELCOME RAYNA "PRINCESS BABY"

Rayna Shazmeen had finally arrived. 25 April 2010 marked another milestone for our family. Welcome Rayna. Abang Iqie calls her Rayna "Princess Baby". He is so affectionate towards her, kissing her every 5 minutes. Afeeq calls out her name and gently pats her every now and then. Thank god there is no showing of jealousy (yet!!).

All of us are adjusting to the life with Rayna around. Me with my breastfeeding and handling 2 older boys. Daddy with 2 older boys. 2 older boys with Rayna around and sharing of attention and affection.

But all in all, we're happy... very very happy!

ieja