The Thing That I Learn...

I have been doing some self-reflection lately and I think I need to do some re-affirmation and record what I have learned so far...

1. The thing about being a parent is that you will need to forget that you are tired or sick or busy. Children don't get them. When you are with your children, give them your full attention. They just want their time with you. If you need to cry, do it after they are asleep...
2. When you are angry, it is only wise for you to be quiet. Otherwise you will hurt yourself and people around you more than you think you could.
3. You can really judge if someone really loves you and respect you or not by his action when he is angry with you. If he doesn't give a shit about you when he is angry, it means that he doesn't love or respect you enough...
4. He doesn't love you or respect you enough if he still smokes around you when he very well knows how you feel about people smoking... especially around (your) kids!
5. You can only stand and respect someone that much, but it takes great patience and great strength to be able to hang in there even though you know you are going to erupt anytime.

ieja

My Horrible, Horrible Dream

I had a horrible and terrifying dream the other day. And it was such a horrible dream that shiver still runs down my spine every time I think of it. In my dream I was crying... and when I told Hubby about it in the morning, I was crying too...

In the dream, I was walking with Hubby, Iqie and Rayna in the stroller. We were in a busy street in a very busy city. In my mind, it felt like JB, but it was also foreign to me. All the while, I couldn't be certain why Afeeq was not with us. Then, I realised that Iqie was walking faster and faster and was then ahead of us. With throng of people, I couldn't see him, so I called him. I could hear him, and could only see his back and his shirt among the many people in front of us. And I told Hubby to go and get him. When I couldn't see him, I shouted his name, and I still could hear him although he sounded quite far.

The next minute, he was not answering anymore. I panicked and rushed to find him, but I just couldn't see him anywhere. I shouted and shouted his name, but I couldn't hear him anymore...

I just can't describe the feeling...

Hubby was stunned and was totally in a shock that he just couldn't move. I gave him Rayna and told him to watch her, and then ran around to find Iqie. Then I stopped a van full of people inside and asked for their help. The van took me around but I still couldn't find Iqie. By then, I was crying like mad. And then, I looked at the driver and told him that we had lost another son too... he also went missing just like Iqie. The minute I finished my story, it dawned on me... Afeeq was gone too...!! And again... I just can't describe the feeling...

I cried and I cried... for the thought of not being able to see my sons again was so excruciating I couldn't even imagine living... And I woke up with tears on my face and still with that indescribable feeling...

And as I write this down... tears are still rolling down my cheeks...

ieja

Happy Birthday Afeeq - 07 Oct 2011

We celebrated Afeeq's birthday on 07 October 2011. Happy Birthday Afeeq. Mummy, Daddy, Abang Iqie and Rayna love you so much. It was a low key event (our family events this year seem to be all low key..). We bought a number of goodie bags for the "school" for Afeeq to give to all of his friends, bought him a birthday present which much to our liking seems to be his favourite thing so far, and lastly sang him the song for him to blow his candles. Afeeq is now 3 years old.

A happy face...

Getting started..

Now let's talk about his birthday present. We asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and his simple answer was "car". But with little guidance from his big brother (well... we have established that his big brother is a big fan of Ben 10), his "car" sort of expanded to "Ben 10 car". But we were not fooled... so we bought him his very own wall-mounted Hot Wheels racing track!! And he loved it so much that he didn't want to go to sleep that night...

So Daddy - the Handyman demonstrated his skills to the kids and mounted everything on the wall. I must say that it was pretty clever, whoever invented this toy must be a genius! It took Daddy not even half an hour to assemble everything. And the kids just couldn't wait to start racing. But poor Abang Iqie... since it was Afeeq's birthday present, he got to play first and he was given the priority of course. But Abang Iqie was a sport and understood things well.

The step-by-step assembly of the track

So happy to see those faces playing together. It makes you wish for the moments to last. I just hope that the three of them realise how they are loved and cherished by their Mummy and Daddy. I also want them to know  that their Mummy and Daddy would do anything for them.

And finally...

So kids... if you read this, please know that you are our everything...

Now, Abang Iqie has started to make his wishlist for his birthday... and some outrageous items have popped up in the list...

ieja

 

My Last Birthday :P

I have forgotten to write about my birthday :P Can you imagine that? To tell you the truth, I myself almost forgot that it was my birthday until Hubby suggested that we took a day off  from work.

It was on 28 Sep. And after a while I didn't expect anything special anymore, except from Hubby of course. I didn't expect anyone else to wish me frankly.

But I was pleased to see that my family and a lot of my friends did wish me. It made me feel that I was part of that 'relationship' with them. Of course most of the wishes were in the FB (what else could I expect). One pleasant surprise was a phone call from my best friend, and it was when I was putting my daughter to bed. The phone call could not be prolonged. But I was nevertheless very happy.

Our ritual for birthday dictates that all birthday wish and present must be done and given at the dot of 12.00 am. This year was no exception. And after much hinting, I've got myself a Baby G watch which was already out of production. Thanks a zillion Hubby. I know you've gone through almost hell finding the present :)) Now the ball is in my court - the challenge to find you that perfect birthday gift...

Iqie made me a card - with the help of those in his 'school'. We bought a cake, we sang the song and all of them (not me, but Iqie, Afeeq and Rayna) blew the candles and feast on the cake.

It was a low key event, but a very meaningful one for me... Until next year...

*I can't believe I'm 36 already*

ieja

My Own Desperate Housewives & Sex and the City

For a while now I have been meeting up with a group of friends whenever we can to catch up on Friday. We call ourselves Desperados... LOL! Yes I know the name is so quirky, but it works for us. Different faces came whenever we had our 'congregation', but the usual ones are yours truly, an old and best friend from my high school, and two old friends from my college.

We usually meet up either in KL Sentral (because of the convenience of the LRT) or in Bangsar (usually in Delicious - Bangsar Village). Other regular faces are also friends from the old workplace that have become close to me.

These are the people that I care about the most besides my family.

What do we do when we meet up? We bitch (most of the time), we laugh at each other silly, we bitch some more, we share our successes and sorrows, we confide in each other, we listen to each other, and most importantly, we give our shoulders for everyone to cry on...

The congregation has become part of me so much that whenever there is news to be shared, one will be planned. And frankly, this is what has kept me going when I was down in the turf especially in the first few months of me joining the new company.

I hope this will become a ritual for all of us years to come even after everyone has become someone somewhere. And I also hope that the ritual has done them good as it has done me.

ieja

The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow

Several months ago I was really unhappy with my work, the people around me at work and especially those who were supposed to be my immediate down liners. The root of my unhappiness? Pretty simple... they did not share the sense of urgency, accountability, the need to strive for the best in delivering results, etc. These people were like the government servants in the era of 80s (sorry that I have to use such analogy).

But what Hubby said was true. He is my king of logic after all :P He said all those things would pass and whoever survive the tide would be the winner. True enough, last Friday, my boss (I have pronounced him to be my Mentor - he didn't know this of course :)) called me for a career chat. We talked about how he made a career suicide with his ultimate boss at the Group level, and how he was content with where he was at the moment. But he acknowledged that I was ambitious and worked hard to get where I wanted to be. I did ask him how fast I could climb up the corporate ladder in the organisation after only being there for 6 months :))

And what he conveyed that day was really something that I would remember for the rest of my life. He said that I had been earmarked for being his successor. He was requested by his ultimate boss to head somewhere else, and that the CEO of the company had requested for me to take over from him. His exact words were "I would be really upset if you leave the company". Another recognition that made me really feel proud of myself was the fact that the ultimate boss at the Group level had told my boss to take me with him when he leaves next year.

I was so on the cloud nine after that conversation that I didn't give a damn that my big event later that evening didn't go that well (there was a shortage of food for dinner planned for 1000 ++ pax).

I realised that all these boiled down to one thing - if you're honestly working hard to get what you want, insyaallah, God will show you the way and opportunity will prevail itself. I am thankful (alhamdulillah) to God for this and pray that my rezeki will always be guarded by Him.

Amin.

ieja

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011

Aidilfitri this year was a low key event for me, hubby and the kids. We did very very early raya shopping. In fact, some were done when we went to Bandung in January early this year. So that actually took care of some of the things that Hubby and I needed to do and buy - with twice the savings!

This year was Kota Bahru's turn. But after our last bad experience braving the traffic during last year Aidiladha, we had decided to fly instead of driving. I can't tell you how glad I was in making that decision. We didn't have to put up with 10-12 hours of tiring and chaotic journey. I just can't imagine having 3 restless small kids in a confined and moving space. I believe I could go mad...

Our flight was just for an hour. Abang Iqie, Abang Afeeq and Rayna were behaving themselves all the way. They were really an angle especially when we flew back to KL.

Previous years, I would call my parents to wish them Happy Aidilfitri in the morning itself. And without fail, I would cry! This year, I determined not to... and to make sure that didn't happen, I devised a clever plan. I didn't call them! Instead, I MMS them Rayna's photo in Baju Kurung (traditional Malay attire for girls) and wished them. That took care of the tears hahahaha...

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

ieja