Life As It Is

It is that time of the year  again where employers review their employees' work performance and reward them accordingly. And of course, all this is at the discretion of the employer. So, in self reflection, do I feel like I have done my best in 2012. And do I feel like I have been rewarded fairly by my employer?

When I came onboard, I told everyone that I had never experience such extensive appraisal on my work performance. Sure I've been appraised before and sure I've been rewarded with bonus. But I had never felt this kind of level of intensity that people feel about year-end appraisal and about bonus payout as when I am with this company.

When I got my first bonus with the company, I said alhamdulillah and was very happy. I felt that my effort in that particular year was well rewarded. And I kept saying that it didn't matter to me because I had not experience this kind of monetary reward before. Furthermore, I was promoted within a year I was with the company. So, there shouldn't be any complaints, right?

Then, come the second year. I was rated as a high performer still, and the same bonus payout exercise  was done. Then, the letter came with the bonus figure. And this year, I didn't get the $$ as good as last year, and that didn't feel good. I thought, hang on... I performed better than last year and why my bonus was not as good as last year then? There is doubt...

My reaction was perfectly well understood (after a few days of self reflection). I had a good taste of bonus payout, and my expectation had gone up one notch. And when my expectation was not met in terms of $$, I was disappointed. What I failed to remember in the first place was that:

1. bonus was solely at the discretion of the employer. They have the rights not to pay any even if they make loads of money that year.
2. When the employer decides to give bonus to the employee, they have the rights to determine how much.

So, as much as I dislike the fact that I didn't get as much as last year, I forgot that I had not had this for a long time, and that I should be grateful for whatever that I receive. And that whatever amount that was credited into my bank account and was shown on my pay slip, I should have said alhamdulillah first and say thank you to my boss (which I did a bit later, and still was the first one to do so according to him). I should have also not succumbed to the culture of "I deserve the bonus, the company must pay bonus, and I deserve to get more or better bonus despite my average performance."

Thank you Allah for the rezeki you bestowed upon me.

Ieja

How's Life Treated Me So Far

I started 2013 in a high spirit, having had sent Abang Iqie to his first ever primary school, and Afeeq to his kindergarten. 

Then, on the second week of January (13 Jan 2013), I received a call in the middle of the night from my sister in Rawang telling me that my half brother Musa bin Ahmad had passed away in a car accident. We rushed back to Kluang and witness his burial. May Allah bless his soul.

When we came back to KL, I just had such bad feelings about things. I had the urge to talk to my dad about things, but I never made the attempt. I called him a few times after that, but didn't manage to talk to him. There was one time though, I think it was on Wednesday, 16 Jan 2013, that he called me back. We talked briefly, then I passed the phone to my three kids as he always wanted to talk to them, Abang Iqie especially. 

Then on that fateful Friday (18 Jan 2013), my sister text me saying that Abah was warded in the hospital. I called my mum and we talked for a while. Then, I called Abah himself. We had a good chat, and as always I tried to make him feel bad about his smoking, and he jokingly said that he had threw all his cigarettes away. But he also mentioned that he was affected by a few of his friend's deaths after my brother's departure. The whole while we were on the phone, I could hear him trying to catch his breaths. Before putting down the phone, I told him to get some rest and that I would be seeing him soon. 

After talking to him, I just couldn't shake that worry away, like I already knew. And I actually cried in the office. My heart actually sank, and I immediately called my eldest sister, begging her to go back to Kluang and see how Abah was doing in the hospital. I was crying all the time. And when I was doing my Asar prayer, I felt that tingling feeling in my heart, and I was crying in my prayer.

Later that evening, my eldest sister called me to tell me to come home, to see Abah. She said that Abah didn't really look that good, that he was not his usually self.

When I was in the car with Hubby, I told him what I felt and that I wanted to go back that night to see Abah. But he dismissed my feeling saying that I got carried away, and that it was probably nothing. We had an argument in the car, and I will never forget what I said to him then. Though I was still feeling unsettled, I didn't press the issue.

Later that night at 2.30 am, 19 Jan 2013, the call came from my sister saying that Abah had been called by the Almighty. Only He knew how I felt, and how crushed I was...

Six days apart from arwah Musa bin Ahmad, and buried side by side...

Ya Allah, ampunkan lah dosa mereka.

Ringankan lah siksa kubur dan neraka.

Kau tempatkan lah mereka di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.

Al-Fatihah 

Mohd Syirhu bin Ahmad

Nazri bin Ahmad

Musa bin Ahmad

Ahmad bin Jaafar

Abang Iqie's School Orientation

My baby is going to school already? Abang Iqie was all excited this morning. He was going to his primary school for his standard one orientation. Awwwww... he's a big boy already... He's going to Sekolah Kebangsaan Danau Kota.

With Daddy

Waiting to do an assessment

I still think he's too small to go to school

Well.. I think he'll do just fine!

 I was a bit worried at first about him being alone at school. But he was being his usual self, chippy and all excited. Been counting the days when he could actually go to this new school. 

The orientation was OK. The headmaster was talking about the learning experiences that the standard one students will most likely go through, like having to buy own food at the canteen, missing pencils, going on the school bus, etc. I guess those will be the adventures that Abang Iqie will be having. And I'm pretty sure that he will enjoy every single bit of them :)

I'm so proud of my son... today, he was not a boy anymore. He is now my little man...

I feel like crying now... :P

ieja

The "I Should Have" Line

I know I've been neglecting this blog for almost half a year. And not trying to make excuses, my work could be the main reason. And.. I should have been more consistent in updating this blog. Yupp.. that "I should have" line..

I'm not going to write about "closing 2012" kind of entry today although that would be typical of other bloggers. That would tie to the "reflect, introspect and project" cliche line too... the one that I used to write my CEO's year end message to all of the employees :) I'd rather write my "I should haves" entry to ensure that I get my regrets recorded.

The first "I should have" that I have is that I should have been more careful with my expenses. The biggest sin so far. Those holiday packages, the new camera, the Black Friday & Cyber Monday shopping, the e-bay, the mid-year, year-end, all year round sales... arrrghhhh...!!! And the consequence.. I'm now paying more than 2K a month for my credit cards. So "I should have..."

The second one is I should have been more persistent when it comes to Abang Iqie's religious activities. I've been looking around for an Ustaz or Ustazah to give personal tutoring on Iqra', solat, fardhu ain, etc. It should have started early this year, and now it's already December and still no one giving him any lessons. I'm worried that when he has gone to his standard one, he has a lot of catching up to do. Alhamdulillah, he can recite his Al-Fatihah and a few surahs. He also knows his alif, ba, ta. He can write the arabic letters. But I don't think that is quite enough. I would very much like him to be able to read the Quran.

Another "I should have" is I should have bought more gold and silver :) For the investment I mean. I'm not a big fan of gold accessories, but I love silver or white gold. But just for the sake of the future, I should have collected gold or silver bars a long time ago. But I know it's still not too late.. so I've started the collection.

What else..? I have a lot actually. I should have just shouted at those who bitched behind my back. I should have told off a few who thought that they were better than me. I should have been more careful not to trust just about anyone. I should have just told people what I really thought about their work. And more... :P

I hope I will have a good 2013. And hopefully, no more I should haves...

Ieja

I am Lost... (again..!)

I am at a point where I'm trying to evaluate myself and things around me. So many things have happened within this six months that I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. The ride is non-stop and I can puke anytime. At a turn, I can just break down and cry and at another turn, I can just laugh my head off. I know I'm going crazy... ;) 

I have this habit of writing down the things that I want to do, accomplish or have. Over the years, I realise that I have actually achieved some of the things that I had written down (usually in my black book). For instance, I once wrote that I wanted to own this one specific car - so happen that it was a Honda and I did specifically mention that it has to be a Vtec. And I just don't know how... A few years later, I did own a highly sought-after Honda. Just a simple example... 

And when I think about it, I come to a conclusion that after I wrote down what I wanted to have, I may foget about it, but sub-consciously, my mind was working on how I could actually achieve the things that I wanted. After a while, I kind of forgot about the list, but my sub-conscious was still working towards that goal. And when the time is right, you somehow will make a decision that brings you back to your list - sub-consciously. Am I making sense here? 

 Here is what happened... I had forgotton that I wanted a Honda with a Vtec engine. But one day, when I decided that I needed a new car, somehow I decided to have a Honda. And when I made that decision, I wasn't even thinking about the list that I made at all. Only after the car was mine, and after I looked at the list I made a few years ago that I realised that I could tick one item off that list. And I have been ticking off a lot more items from the lists that I made every year..! 

 Well, this is how I feel... your chances of achieving what you want in your life are a lot higher when you explicitly express it or (even better) if you write it down. You may forget about it later, but your sub-conscious mind and thoughts and body are actually working towards achieving it. It may take a while... but you will achieve it somehow... So, there you go... Now, let's see what's next in my lists... 

 Ieja

Another Stumbling Block

We're in our second year of having all the HR personnel in the department being involved in the department's internal projects. I coined the initiative as Towards HR 2.0. The intention is for everyone to have a shift of mind, or the cliche word - paradigm. And the underlying principle is also to have all our processes and services improved. So, all the streams under HR 2.0 initiative are geared towards those two principles.

A few days ago, we had the department's usual fortnightly meeting where all the managers update our HOD on what is going on in the department. And somehow an item that was brought up was HR 2.0 initiative. It was said that there were grouses from the people on the floor about having to put in extra effort to complete their deliverables, that whatever they are doing doesn't carry weight towards their appraisal, and that they are supposed to JUST do their "business as usual" tasks. In other words, given the chance, they would rather not do HR 2.0 initiative!

*sigh* that saddens me, and coming from the managers themselves - it is even sadder! I don't like saying this but in this situation, it appears to be true that Malays are a lazy bunch! They can't see OR they don't want to see beyond what has been given to them. They just want an easy life, free of accountability, and most importantly free ride! And above all, they can turn this into an interesting topic to be debated about (READ AS BITCHING!) when all the time that they take to BITCH can be converted into productivity - by completing the tasks under HR 2.0 initiative.

My boss was over the roof with all these talks by the managers the other day. I could sense his frustration when the managers themselves showed that they did not buy all this 'crap'. He reinforced his stance by saying that if the people on the floor were leaving because of all these, then let them go, because they were surely not cut to be his people.

I'm still saddened by all this. They can go far if they can just stop bitching and be more productive, and most importantly see beyond what is asked of them. It will be interesting to see what they will bitch about when they get the rating of their appraisal back and when they see what kind of bonus they also get. I'm sure the bitching will never stop...

ieja

April is Just Another Crazy Month

Yupp... Just another crazy month. Early April, I took a week off (with all that $$ I got for bonus ;)) and went to Bandung with Hubby. just the two of us. It was our second time there, I think it has become our favourite gateway - without the kids ;)

Since we kind of knew our way around, the trip was a relaxed one. We went to Rumah Mode first, then to all the factory outlets along Jalan Riau. We flew in with a 6 kg luggage and flew back with more than 20 kg. So you go figure ;) When I came home and unpacked, I just didn't know what the bloody hell I bought when I was there... Could I be deceived by the whole idea of Bandung itself?

When we landed at the LCCT, and as we were walking passing the customs, we saw signs that said something like "Barang untuk di ikrar - Things to Declare" and "Tiada barang untuk Di ikrar - Nothing to declare", and all of a sudden, Hubby said "saya nak ikrar dia, dan saya berikrar untuk tidak membawa dia lagi! - I would like to declare her, and I declare hereby that I would not take her anywhere again!" humpppp....

We brought in a 'reinforcement team' to look after the kids. That would be Mak and Ain. Although it was not a good feeling to leave them, we knew we needed the trip to be alone. And the trip did us good :))

We were worried how Rayna would react when we came back. She didn't even want to come near me when we came back from the first trip. She took it really hard. But she was OK when we came back from this trip. So, I guess we could do this again next year LOL.

Today, I'm flying to Penang - a day trip and because of work. And on 18 April, another day trip and to Johor Bahru. And, next in our list is Langkawi for a holiday. All of us will fly there courtesy of Sow & Allan...

Can't wait...

Ieja