Abang Iqie, Abang Afeeq & Princess Rayna

The three of them are really my bundle of joy.  I have not once forgotten to thank God for giving me such beautiful things to brighten my life.

Abang Iqie is now 6 and learning to read. He can spell quite well now. He can multiply and subtract quite well too. But he sometimes lacks focus. So Hubby and I really need to see his work after he's done. There were times when he held back his tears because I lost my patience when he was not focusing on his numbers or letters. There was this one time when I really lost my patience and I screamed at him. He held his tears so hard that when I finally finished with him, he ran to Hubby and cried in the room. I felt so guilty and felt like crying too...

Abang Afeeq is now 4 and is a cool and playful boy. I'm sometimes amazed with his I-don't-give-a-rat-ass attitude. He can ignore everyone around him and just go about his business like nothing affects him. But sometimes I can sense his middle child syndrome. He wants the attention, especially when it's bedtime or shower time. I don't mind giving it all to him, and when it is necessary, I always make sure that he is given the priority. But I'm quite worried when he's not eating... He has lost some weight... He's really into cars so he has more than a dozen Hot Wheels cars in his collection. He even has his own Hot Wheels wall-mounted track, and a track carpet to play his cars with.

As for Princess Rayna, she is sweet and so not girly :) Whatever the brothers do, she can keep up with them. They jump on the bed or off the bed... she's right behind them. And knowing that she's quite protected, she sometimes 'demands' things, especially if she sees something that she likes from Abang Afeeq. Poor Abang Afeeq... Rayna really likes to disturb him. She's sometimes his shadow - much to his dislike! So, I have to put up with the shouting and the fighting and the wrestling. She's also very cheeky and learns things very fast. She can understand all of us easily and she can say words that are easy and familiar to her. She's now into bears (her soft toys), but not Barbie-like dolls. Most of the times, she plays with her brother's toys - which are so not girly...

Although sometimes I feel that when we're home, I'm more tired than when I'm in the office, the satisfaction and the good feelings that I have are priceless. I don't mind the shouting, the fighting, the crying, etc. as long as we are all together! 

Mummy loves you Abang Iqie, Abang Afeeq and Princess Rayna... very very much!

ieja

I Am Guilty

I have this guilt that has been hanging at the back of my head for the past few days now. Will I let my ego win or will I let my conscience lead to to do what is right?

I have been arguing with my parents about the renovation that they were doing back home. I was not so agreeable to it. I told them to find a new house and the money can be used to renovate that house instead. To me it's better than spending money repairing and renovating the old house because there are a lot more to do for the old house. But my parents didn't want to listen to me. So they renovated that old house.

When the renovation completed, they came to me asking for more money. Well.. There are other things than what I'm writing about. It's not the money that matters to me. It's about how they didn't want to listen to me and consider my opinions and what I had to say about the whole affair. I gave them the money anyway even when they didn't want to listen to me.

But what frustrates me was, they came to me when they needed things. And I feel as if that is all I am to them. I don't have a say in any matters at all. I feel used.

I came on quite strong to them, and I think I've hurt my mother's feelings. But I am offended too. Most importantly, I feel that I'm being pushed around by my dad and by my sisters.

And I know eventually I will call them and tell them that I'm sorry...

Ieja