Appraisal of Life Part 2

In my last entry, I talked about standard performance appraisal that most companies are practising in determining the performance of their employees. I went to an interesting sharing session the other day conducted by our Group HR. And I really learned a lot of things...

Some people really take this annual performance appraisal seriously. Some think that it is their God given right to receive at least 2 months bonus from the company they work for (although some of them have really doubtful performance). But what some of them fail to realise is that their performance is always subjected to comparison against their colleagues. If a group of people is doing the same set of work, it is only logical to compare their performances against each other. And if they have different appraisers, it is more important to have some kind of moderation or levelling to ensure this group of people is rated consistently. Would it be logical to you if all these people are rated equally? 

Not every thing in this world is created equal. Say you have 10 people to be rated in terms of their competencies and achievement of KPIs. Don't bull me and say that they all perform equally well. There will be one or two who stand out and can be rated as "exceed expectations / high performers", and likewise, there will be a few who can be rated as "do not meet expectations" or who we call "non-performers". The rest, can be rated as "meet expectations" or just the "average" guys. Of course, another handful will be "below average" guys. Easily said, if you have 10 people to be rated, who would you put as no. 1, 2, 3, 4,5... and 10?

After knowing the rating, it is now the appraiser's duty to communicate this to these 10 people. But this is where the problem always seems to be never-ending. No body wants to be the messenger of bad news... because in this case he/she will definitely be shot! The messenger will definitely not be popular. So, instead of telling what the "non-performers" need to know, the appraiser (not wanting to be the bad person, or disliked, or trying to be popular) usually tells these "non-performers" that the management (of course I don't know which management he/she is talking about) has pulled down the rating to ensure that the bell curve is achieved for the department and for the whole organisation.

So the appraiser has passed on the accountability to the management (again... I'm still not sure which management is he/she talking about). What is so funny here is that as the appraiser, he/she is actually the management! But of course the poor (this does not refer to the performance) non-performers will only have their anger for none other than the Human Resource department because the department is the owner of the whole appraisal's process for the company.


Even after being advised accordingly, staff usually repeat this cycle every year. They still hold the Human Resource Department by the throat saying that they deserve that 6 months bonus because of their disillusioned high performance.


I wonder if I will even get a bonus this year... If yes, that will be the first in... I can't remember how many years!


ieja

The Appraisal of Life

It's that time of the year where most people who are the employees of an organisation need to do this exercise at least once every year. I am no exception. Yes... it's December and most companies close their financial year by end of December. Hence, those who are in charged of the performance and rewards are now busy with staff appraisal to justify their work performance, which eventually will affect the staff's salary increment or bonus.

I am never a fan of this kind of system. However elaborated your justification is to show how you are indispensable or an asset to the company, it all boils down to certain figures or ratings that are used by the company to see if you really are eligible for that extra compensation.

I have always been in companies that did not have a standard practice of compensating the staff with annual bonus. So, this is something  new to me. What I notice is that those who are in the companies that practice this annual bonus as part of their competitive rewards scheme would not take it well if they feel that they are not being given as what they expect to get. In other words, they think it is given, or it's the company's obligation to give them all this annual salary increment or bonus. When they don't get those, this is when I see some of the hell doors break open.

What they don't realise is that it is at the company's discretion that they actually get those bonuses, where the fine print always says "subject to the company's financial performance, and individual employees' work performance". If they are labelled as 'below threshold', in which God's universe would the company is obligated to award them with the annual bonus.

The funny thing about all these people is that the talk about their "work performance" and the subject of "bonus" only comes out when it is time for them to be appraised. Whatever happens in January to November? Have you done your reality check with your bosses if you actually meet their expectations at all?

Oh well... I hope I'm not going to be affected by these people. I haven't been given bonuses for God knows how long. So this year, if I really do get that kind of rewards, that really is a "bonus" for me :)

ieja

My Journey Thus Far

I have been blessed with a lot of things. But one thing that I'm really really greatful for is my family. Abang Iqie is five, Abang Afeeq is three, and Rayna is one and a half years old. And I just celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary.

We're now paying close attention to Abang Iqie's reading and writing skills. He gets Maths and doesn't need much guidance. But he thinks reading and writing are a nuisance. Whenever the car stops, I would always ask him to spell whatever words we could see. Be it a billboard, names of shops or advertisments. Some letters still slipped his memory, and he has to recite his ABC to remember them. But on different occassions, that doesn't seem to be a problem. Is he practising selective memory like me? I sure hope not. But with a bit of encouragement (by that I mean a little bit of scolding and threatening and bribing), he seems to be on the right track. And I have to make sure that his memory lapses are not a permenant thing ;)

I also notice that Abang Iqie is a bit like 'by the book' type of kid. He listens to us when we reason with him. And we when set rules, he abides although he would try to get his way around them sometimes.

Abang Afeeq is still enjoying his play time a lot, especially now that Mummy and Daddy don't seem to pressure him to do any homework yet. Well... That time will come my darling. He's a bit cheeky, always trying to cook up something funny. But he can also be notorious especially if he is provoked, and if things don't exactly go his way. At the same time, he's a darling. Always says 'I love you' when you least expect it. He's a cheeky and tough Mummy's boy. And he reminds me a lot of myself :))

Although Rayna is only one and a half years old, she's more advanced than her two bros. She's very independent. She won't allow me putting on her shirt and pants after shower. She wants to do it herself, and blind me, she can! She can also eat on her own. She can understand us perfectly. Whenever she has poohed in her diaper, she would come to me and tell me that she had poohed. When I tell her to shower, automatically, she would take off her pants and shirt and head to the bathroom. She then would take the stool, place it right in front of the wash basin, demand for her toothbrush, and brush her own teeth. Of course I have to brush her teeth all over again. Once that is done, she would put back the stool where it belongs and enter the shower area. She would also shampoo herself, rub her tummy with the shower gel including her feet, and rinse herself.

Rayna has also started to utter words that we can understand. I can even have a decent conversation with her about simple things. Her obsession nowadays is cats. Whenever she sees one, she would follow and would want to kiss it. That doesn't happen to just live cats, but to pictures of cats too, on books or on the phones.

I guess these are the things that really make me feel blessed! Alhamdulillah.

Ieja

The iFamily

I think I'm very much a gadget person. I'm not a freak who has to own all the latest tech that the world has to offer, but I am very much interested in playing, discovering and most importantly having technology in my hand.

Hubby (after much persuasion) and I bought an iPhone 4 each. That was a year ago exactly on my birthday. Mine was a birthday present from him :)) and I can't thank him enough. So, that was the turning point for us. I have always been stupefied by the Internet, having it on the go enhanced my obsession. And Hubby was really making fully use of everything the phone and the Internet have got to offer.

A year later today, we still have no complaints. In fact, we converted some people who were on the less-smart phones, or on Androids to iPhone. Even my boss hahaha...! And we're branching out... This year, for my birthday, I bought myself an iPad 2 - as a "birthday gift" to myself. And for Abang Iqie's birthday, he earned himself an iPod. Aaaahh... the joy that we saw in his face when he got his iPod - priceless. But Mummy and Daddy were RM700 poorer hahahha... But of course, before he could get his hands on the iPod, he had to promise us a lot of things. Among other:

1. He cannot play with Mummy and Daddy's iPhone anymore
2. He cannot play with Mummy's iPad
3. He must do his homework before he can play with his iPod
4. He must share his iPod with Afeeq
5. He must listen to Mummy and Daddy if he wants to play with his iPod

And amazingly, he actually abides by those rules until today! 


We're now thinking of what we could give Afeeq to make it equal to him...


ieja

The Thing That I Learn...

I have been doing some self-reflection lately and I think I need to do some re-affirmation and record what I have learned so far...

1. The thing about being a parent is that you will need to forget that you are tired or sick or busy. Children don't get them. When you are with your children, give them your full attention. They just want their time with you. If you need to cry, do it after they are asleep...
2. When you are angry, it is only wise for you to be quiet. Otherwise you will hurt yourself and people around you more than you think you could.
3. You can really judge if someone really loves you and respect you or not by his action when he is angry with you. If he doesn't give a shit about you when he is angry, it means that he doesn't love or respect you enough...
4. He doesn't love you or respect you enough if he still smokes around you when he very well knows how you feel about people smoking... especially around (your) kids!
5. You can only stand and respect someone that much, but it takes great patience and great strength to be able to hang in there even though you know you are going to erupt anytime.

ieja

My Horrible, Horrible Dream

I had a horrible and terrifying dream the other day. And it was such a horrible dream that shiver still runs down my spine every time I think of it. In my dream I was crying... and when I told Hubby about it in the morning, I was crying too...

In the dream, I was walking with Hubby, Iqie and Rayna in the stroller. We were in a busy street in a very busy city. In my mind, it felt like JB, but it was also foreign to me. All the while, I couldn't be certain why Afeeq was not with us. Then, I realised that Iqie was walking faster and faster and was then ahead of us. With throng of people, I couldn't see him, so I called him. I could hear him, and could only see his back and his shirt among the many people in front of us. And I told Hubby to go and get him. When I couldn't see him, I shouted his name, and I still could hear him although he sounded quite far.

The next minute, he was not answering anymore. I panicked and rushed to find him, but I just couldn't see him anywhere. I shouted and shouted his name, but I couldn't hear him anymore...

I just can't describe the feeling...

Hubby was stunned and was totally in a shock that he just couldn't move. I gave him Rayna and told him to watch her, and then ran around to find Iqie. Then I stopped a van full of people inside and asked for their help. The van took me around but I still couldn't find Iqie. By then, I was crying like mad. And then, I looked at the driver and told him that we had lost another son too... he also went missing just like Iqie. The minute I finished my story, it dawned on me... Afeeq was gone too...!! And again... I just can't describe the feeling...

I cried and I cried... for the thought of not being able to see my sons again was so excruciating I couldn't even imagine living... And I woke up with tears on my face and still with that indescribable feeling...

And as I write this down... tears are still rolling down my cheeks...

ieja

Happy Birthday Afeeq - 07 Oct 2011

We celebrated Afeeq's birthday on 07 October 2011. Happy Birthday Afeeq. Mummy, Daddy, Abang Iqie and Rayna love you so much. It was a low key event (our family events this year seem to be all low key..). We bought a number of goodie bags for the "school" for Afeeq to give to all of his friends, bought him a birthday present which much to our liking seems to be his favourite thing so far, and lastly sang him the song for him to blow his candles. Afeeq is now 3 years old.

A happy face...

Getting started..

Now let's talk about his birthday present. We asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and his simple answer was "car". But with little guidance from his big brother (well... we have established that his big brother is a big fan of Ben 10), his "car" sort of expanded to "Ben 10 car". But we were not fooled... so we bought him his very own wall-mounted Hot Wheels racing track!! And he loved it so much that he didn't want to go to sleep that night...

So Daddy - the Handyman demonstrated his skills to the kids and mounted everything on the wall. I must say that it was pretty clever, whoever invented this toy must be a genius! It took Daddy not even half an hour to assemble everything. And the kids just couldn't wait to start racing. But poor Abang Iqie... since it was Afeeq's birthday present, he got to play first and he was given the priority of course. But Abang Iqie was a sport and understood things well.

The step-by-step assembly of the track

So happy to see those faces playing together. It makes you wish for the moments to last. I just hope that the three of them realise how they are loved and cherished by their Mummy and Daddy. I also want them to know  that their Mummy and Daddy would do anything for them.

And finally...

So kids... if you read this, please know that you are our everything...

Now, Abang Iqie has started to make his wishlist for his birthday... and some outrageous items have popped up in the list...

ieja

 

My Last Birthday :P

I have forgotten to write about my birthday :P Can you imagine that? To tell you the truth, I myself almost forgot that it was my birthday until Hubby suggested that we took a day off  from work.

It was on 28 Sep. And after a while I didn't expect anything special anymore, except from Hubby of course. I didn't expect anyone else to wish me frankly.

But I was pleased to see that my family and a lot of my friends did wish me. It made me feel that I was part of that 'relationship' with them. Of course most of the wishes were in the FB (what else could I expect). One pleasant surprise was a phone call from my best friend, and it was when I was putting my daughter to bed. The phone call could not be prolonged. But I was nevertheless very happy.

Our ritual for birthday dictates that all birthday wish and present must be done and given at the dot of 12.00 am. This year was no exception. And after much hinting, I've got myself a Baby G watch which was already out of production. Thanks a zillion Hubby. I know you've gone through almost hell finding the present :)) Now the ball is in my court - the challenge to find you that perfect birthday gift...

Iqie made me a card - with the help of those in his 'school'. We bought a cake, we sang the song and all of them (not me, but Iqie, Afeeq and Rayna) blew the candles and feast on the cake.

It was a low key event, but a very meaningful one for me... Until next year...

*I can't believe I'm 36 already*

ieja

My Own Desperate Housewives & Sex and the City

For a while now I have been meeting up with a group of friends whenever we can to catch up on Friday. We call ourselves Desperados... LOL! Yes I know the name is so quirky, but it works for us. Different faces came whenever we had our 'congregation', but the usual ones are yours truly, an old and best friend from my high school, and two old friends from my college.

We usually meet up either in KL Sentral (because of the convenience of the LRT) or in Bangsar (usually in Delicious - Bangsar Village). Other regular faces are also friends from the old workplace that have become close to me.

These are the people that I care about the most besides my family.

What do we do when we meet up? We bitch (most of the time), we laugh at each other silly, we bitch some more, we share our successes and sorrows, we confide in each other, we listen to each other, and most importantly, we give our shoulders for everyone to cry on...

The congregation has become part of me so much that whenever there is news to be shared, one will be planned. And frankly, this is what has kept me going when I was down in the turf especially in the first few months of me joining the new company.

I hope this will become a ritual for all of us years to come even after everyone has become someone somewhere. And I also hope that the ritual has done them good as it has done me.

ieja

The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow

Several months ago I was really unhappy with my work, the people around me at work and especially those who were supposed to be my immediate down liners. The root of my unhappiness? Pretty simple... they did not share the sense of urgency, accountability, the need to strive for the best in delivering results, etc. These people were like the government servants in the era of 80s (sorry that I have to use such analogy).

But what Hubby said was true. He is my king of logic after all :P He said all those things would pass and whoever survive the tide would be the winner. True enough, last Friday, my boss (I have pronounced him to be my Mentor - he didn't know this of course :)) called me for a career chat. We talked about how he made a career suicide with his ultimate boss at the Group level, and how he was content with where he was at the moment. But he acknowledged that I was ambitious and worked hard to get where I wanted to be. I did ask him how fast I could climb up the corporate ladder in the organisation after only being there for 6 months :))

And what he conveyed that day was really something that I would remember for the rest of my life. He said that I had been earmarked for being his successor. He was requested by his ultimate boss to head somewhere else, and that the CEO of the company had requested for me to take over from him. His exact words were "I would be really upset if you leave the company". Another recognition that made me really feel proud of myself was the fact that the ultimate boss at the Group level had told my boss to take me with him when he leaves next year.

I was so on the cloud nine after that conversation that I didn't give a damn that my big event later that evening didn't go that well (there was a shortage of food for dinner planned for 1000 ++ pax).

I realised that all these boiled down to one thing - if you're honestly working hard to get what you want, insyaallah, God will show you the way and opportunity will prevail itself. I am thankful (alhamdulillah) to God for this and pray that my rezeki will always be guarded by Him.

Amin.

ieja

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011

Aidilfitri this year was a low key event for me, hubby and the kids. We did very very early raya shopping. In fact, some were done when we went to Bandung in January early this year. So that actually took care of some of the things that Hubby and I needed to do and buy - with twice the savings!

This year was Kota Bahru's turn. But after our last bad experience braving the traffic during last year Aidiladha, we had decided to fly instead of driving. I can't tell you how glad I was in making that decision. We didn't have to put up with 10-12 hours of tiring and chaotic journey. I just can't imagine having 3 restless small kids in a confined and moving space. I believe I could go mad...

Our flight was just for an hour. Abang Iqie, Abang Afeeq and Rayna were behaving themselves all the way. They were really an angle especially when we flew back to KL.

Previous years, I would call my parents to wish them Happy Aidilfitri in the morning itself. And without fail, I would cry! This year, I determined not to... and to make sure that didn't happen, I devised a clever plan. I didn't call them! Instead, I MMS them Rayna's photo in Baju Kurung (traditional Malay attire for girls) and wished them. That took care of the tears hahahaha...

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

ieja

Am So Not Happy

I still feel sad and upset with what was said about me. I think i am still badly affected with what my boss said to me yesterday. Knowing that there is a group of people who does not share my professional values, ways of thinking and ways of doing things.

With that in mind I now have started to question myself. Am I suitable to be in the company? I have never questioned my role in any company I have worked for before. I have always been able to adopt. Most of my bosses and colleagues would want to work with me again. That alone is a testimonial to my ability and my contribution.

Is it me or is it them? How should I approach this situation? Now in my mind, these people are hypocrites. Why can't they say it to my face?

ieja

Reality Check

Ever since I came to this new company (pretty soon, I won't be able to use the term "new company"), I have established the need to have personal sessions with my boss as and when needed. I think I have made an impression on him that I appreciate honest and open communication between us - me providing feedback on my part about work and him providing feedback on my performances and other work-related matters. I'm in my 7th month working for him now and we have had about 3 of such sessions.

This morning, I had another such session with him - our "reality check session". BTW, I was away from the office for almost 2 weeks at the beginning of the month. And his story began with "while you were away...". He said that he talked to a few people to gauge how they feel about my new role in the company and mostly to elicit feedback on the progress of some things that I've been working on with these people. The feedback given to him was very interesting...

He started by saying that while those people were appreciative the knowledge that I brought in to the company and the areas that they were working on, one particular thing that they wished I had done was to acknowledge the depth of their knowledge. They feel that there was a big gap and that when they were assigned tasks, they were not able to meet my expectations, that I sort of "demanded" more than what they could deliver.

Well... I am working on that part :)) And the boss knows about it. But I find it very hard to balance up between giving tasks to people and expect them to deliver something which is of a low quality. And I find it hard to balance up between instructing and eliciting to get something done. I expect people to come to me with questions if they don't understand my instructions or what is it that they need to deliver. I also expect people to be independent enough to look for information and resourceful enough to provide solutions to a problem before they admit that they can't do certain tasks. Wouldn't that what any bosses want from a staff? I don't think I have met a boss who can tolerate a staff who is dependent on him/her for everything.

At the same time, I don't think I micromanage everything. I am very structured - that I guilty admit. But I think I allow people to creatively work around their deliverable. Hmmm.. how do you satisfy different people with 1 solution?

I am at the brink of giving up. It frustrates me... maybe as much as I frustrate other people here...

ieja

Lunch with a Friend

I had lunch with a friend last week. We talked about work, catching up with each other's happenings. But what was dear to me was the conversation that we had about us being a parent and about our children.

When we talked about work, we were all serious, negotiating terms and conditions, and stating terms of reference. But when we talked about our children, I immediately noticed how our tone changed from businesslike to affection and love. I guess that's how mothers are. We talked about the juggling work that we have to do, how she was coping with her hubby away for many months now, her twins and school. Me with my obsession of clean floors, having to wake up after midnite to finish work. And one common thing that we shared was how much we didn't want to miss out the years now with our children as they grow up.

I have always wanted to fast track my career. She did that faster than me. But we agreed that we shouldn't miss out the fun and laughter and the pain of raising our children. But we are stuck sometimes (or most of the time) between chasing our dreams of becoming a certain someone in the corporate world and being there all the time for our children. We realised that these are the years that our children need us the most. The time when we can shape them to better people, and prepare them for the cruel world. If we are not engaged now, we will never be able to be part of that important 'growing up' phase.

At the same time, we also know that once our children are independent enough, they won't need us as much as they need us now. And the only thing that we can fall back to is our achievements in the corporate world. What will we do if suddenly our children say "mummy, I know how to do this. I don't need you now?" That part of growing is bound to come. And in Malaysia, it is very hard to climb that corporate ladder for women of a certain age. So the important question here is... how do we do the balancing act?

How I wish I could just stay at home and be there when Iqie, Afeeq and Rayna woke up every morning, had meals with them, sent them to schools, tuitioned them myself, and put them to bed with bedtime stories. But reality is pretty hard to swallow...

At the same time, I wish I could unleash 150% of my potential so that I could be on top of that ladder, and be that someone whose a company depended on to perform.

ieja

A Perfectionist Am I?

Being in the support department and seeing how things are delivered got me dumbstruck. I basically was culture shocked. But not as shocked as the department with my regime of doing things...

No doubt before being a consultant I was in operations (if you count managing a language centre was). But I never ever remember my life back then to be slow, doing just enough, or shying away from improving things. When I came on board in the new company, those were how I felt about the people in the department.

I am in charged of setting up mini project teams to design, plan and execute projects which are very much related to policy reviews and process improvements. I am struggling big time... not because there are so many things to do with so little time and resources. But because there is plenty of resources whining that they have a lot of things to do when most of the time they were busy gossiping and doing something else.

Tu la dia org melayu... bitching lebih.. gaji kecik, tak dapat bonus bukan main melompat. Tapi bila suh buat keje lebih sket bukan main mengelak... bila org lain dpt lebih sket, mula la mulut murai cakap bukan2... cermin la diri sendiri dulu. Cakap banyak je tau... kalu kerja jalan, keje bagus tu tak pe la jugak...

*Sigh*

ieja

Life So Far...

I'm not sure if I have mentioned anywhere that another highlight of my life was that I had moved on from being a consultant to being an HR personnel in the financial services industry. I resigned from a consultancy company to join one of the biggest financial services provider in Malaysia. I really hope that it was a smart move on my part. So far, I have no complaints :))

I resigned in December 2010. Took a short break and started work in this new company in the middle of January 2011. It was a twist of fate that I joined the company. In my last assignment as a consultant, I was engaged in a transformation project (one of the biggest in the financial services industry, and I don't think I have mentioned this in any of my entry before). That company was interested to pinch me to be their permanent staff and to cut the long story short, I was interested too because of the benefits that I would get. So after all the drama with both company's CEOs, my (ex) boss finally gave in and the offered was made formally. Unfortunately, the package offered by the Group HR of that company was not the same as the one made by the hiring manager. So there was a bit of ding dong there because unfortunately the hiring manager was on marriage leave when all that happened. So, to cut the story short again, I was already unemployed by early January 2011, went for another interview by another company of the same nature, and was offered an attractive package. Without further delay and (of course) just to spite the other company's Group HR and the hiring manager, I accepted the offer. And here I am serving this new company as a Projects and Communications Manager of the HR Department.

How the hell did I end up from being a teacher to a project and communications specialist? Only God knows...

Here I am today, writing all this in Menara Telekom where we are doing our first ever HR Road Show especially for about 1,500 staff displaying all the company's HR policies, procedures and guidelines. And I am proud to say that this is my brainchild and that it is a huge success. This was reaffirmed by the Group HR who came to witness this and said "excellent!" I am just glad things work out well for me here. The Management is happy... I am happier.

ieja

Long Time No News...!!

Oh boy... I am so guilty! I haven't been to this site for almost a year... So, what's up? A LOT!
A quick catch up..

1. Rayna is going to be exactly a year on 25 April 2011
2. After writing my last entry last year, we moved into our new house and we love everything about it. So July 2011 will also be our first moving-into-the-new-house anniversay
3. 24 April 2011 will be our Stream's first birthday
4. Abang Iqie is still very much into Ben 10. But now he's also branched out.. he's into (Cartoon Network) GENERATOR REX by the same people who created Ben 10. And like Ben 10, he has us hooked to it too...
5. Abang Afeeq is pretty much the same cool but don't-mess-with-me Afeeq. He can speak quite well now, but of course in his 'slang'. If you are not used to listening to him talking, you'll take a while before knowing what he is talking about.
6. THE MOST SHOCKING NEWS - Our SuperEK was stolen...!! Right under our nose (while parked at our parking spot). This devastating event happened on 24 October 2010. And just a day ago, we went to collect the check from the insurance company. The sad part is, we lost our bragging right and our cult status with that car gone. The bright side, on the other hand, we're a few thou richer.

So, those are the highlights of my life since July last year to this date. I'll make it a point to continue writing. Next, may be about my new job... :P

ieja