ABANG IQIE & ADIK AFEEQ

Ever since Afeeq was born, we have been trying to get Iqie off my breasts ;). I read somewhere that it is advisable for Muslim mothers to stop breastfeeding their children when they are already 2 years old. Iqie celebrated his 2nd birthday on 01 November 08 - a few weeks after Afeeq was born.

Trying to stop Iqie proved to be strategically difficult. He would scream and shout "nenen" (his word for breast milk) if he was deprived of his daily doses. He would not stop until something was done, and he really sounded like an ambulance or a high pitch broken record. Not only that, he would compete with Afeeq to get to the source. He wouldn't push Afeeq away, instead, he would go for the second opening. The victim would be me... manhandling two children at the same time. It was like having to breastfeed twins... As a result, Afeeq would always be the losing party - having to be diverted to formula and bottle.

Serious effort to stop Iqie (and to give more attention to Afeeq) started 2 weeks ago. Someone suggested a substance called "jadam" - it tastes bitter. But after serious consideration, Hubby and I decided against it. Instead, a better alternative was given by one of my sisters - to use coffee powder and rub it on the source of Iqie's affection.

The first week was hell... Iqie cried and threw tantrums. We had to face sleepless nights as he would wake up several times and cried for me. I would try to distract him by showing the coffee powder. He didn't like the taste of it... Thus, louder cries and more shouts of "nenen".

Psychologically, we thought that Iqie's suckling helped him doze off. Depriving him that meant he had nothing to occupy him to put him to sleep. So we gave him our cellphones to play with. He would listen to the music and watch the videos that we have in our cellphones till his eyes couldn't take it. Once he decided that it was enough, he would put our phones down, adjust his position and close his eyes. Then that was it - he would be asleep.

Now, after a few weeks practising that, Iqie is accustomed to us putting him to bed with something to play with. To help him doze off, Afeeq must be placed beside him so that he has a company. He rarely wakes up in the middle of the night too. But when he does, he doesn't ask for "nenen" anymore. Instead, I would take him to the kitchen for a glass of fresh milk and he would go back to sleep immediately after that with me holding his hand.

So, lately, we have quite peaceful nights and Afeeq is now not on bottle anymore when I'm around.

ieja

BACK TO BUSINESS

This week was my first week back to work. My goodness... the pile of work that I have to do... hehehehe. Well... after being away for two months, what do I expect? On my first day back itself I had to go to the weekly meeting. I was still orienting my brain to be on the right mode - work mode! But of course, I achieved only little success. On the second day, I went for another meeting - this time with a client. Still not in the right mode... I just didn't know what (the heck) I was babbling about when I was asked questions related to the project... heheheee...

But I had to say that it felt good to finally see those familiar and friendly faces at the "office". It even felt better when I had something to work on.Coming back to work made me realise how I miss the rush before deadlines, meetings and reports. It certainly felt good to be back and in-charged again.

ieja

POST-CONFINEMENT ERA

Yesterday was my 44th day of confinement... and HURRAYYYYYYY...!!!! Finally... I am able to roam free outside the vicinity of my home. But I was not all guilty-free of breaking some of the rules of confinement at all... I've been bad... very very bad...

Besides neglecting all the basic rules of confinement (things like wearing socks at all times, no cold shower, wrapping yourself tight with special cloth around your abdomen, etc.) while I was in my parents-in-law's house in Kelantan for my Hubby's father's funeral, I was also guilty of galloping Baskin Robins down my throat on my 40th day of confinement. Why..?? I was sort of celebrating the end of my confinement... how ironic!

But the worst crime that I had committed would be driving up to Rawang on my 36th day of confinement to my sister's new house. I had violated one of the most important laws of after-delivery code and conduct. Both of my sisters were appalled... so did some of my friends who visited me today.

But come on... being cooped up in your own house for 44 days or 60 days (well... not entirely true though... coz there was the journey back to Kelantan and the visit to the doctor for Afeeq's shot) could make anyone crazy... especially me - a being who is free-spirited and not to mention a mall addict.

Now that I've (sort of) completed the 44-day house arrest, I plan to enjoy the 2 or more weeks that I have before going back to work to do things that I want. For instance, getting a hair treatment, going to spa, revamping my wardrobe (that would involve shopping - a lot of it!), catching up with old friends (that would involve renewing my socialising skills).

Apparently, one of the activities that I have planned also involves some teaching at one of the local universities. Am I going to regret that? I hope not. Extra cash would come handy when I want to revamp my wardrobe... hehehe.

But, the point is, I'm just happy that I am officially certified by the society "healthy" to carry out outdoor activities and in a way to go back to my old self and routine... with one glitch though... I wish I didn't have to go back to work so soon...

ieja

CONFINEMENT ERA (Part 2)

When Afeeq was about a week old, his Tok Mak had to rush back to Kluang because of an "emergency cry" by my father. I had to admit that I was very disappointed that she couldn't stay longer to look after me. Since my Mom-in-law couldn't travel to KL as soon as possible, I was left experiencing confinement alone with my two sons and their Daddy and a helper. Shamelessly, I cried to my sister right after my Mom left. I was angry not because she had to leave me all alone to manage, but because of the reason that made her leave.

How did I manage without my Mom and Mom-in-law around? Well... pretty gracefully and with difficulty. Although I was physically well enough to look after myself (but not necessarily a less-than-two-week-old baby though), I was emotionally still exhausted. I could cope with physically related chaos, but I failed to address my chaotic emotional state. As a result, I snapped easily and turned to shouting to regain order in the house. That, ladies and gentlemen, was one tiring experience - emotionally and physically.

After my Mom-in-law arrived, normalcy slowly came back. When she was with us for about two weeks, she received a phone call from my brother-in-law (Hubby's eldest brother) back in Kota Bharu saying that my Dad-in-law was not well. My Mom-in-law thought that it was nothing serious - we thought that it was nothing serious too as he hadn't been well for quite some time. So she didn't rush home. She was only on the bus back home two days after that.

On the night she arrived, Hubby received a call from the brother saying that his Dad had to be taken to the hospital by an ambulance - he couldn't move at all. By midnight, he was on a breathing machine. The brother text him on hourly basis to keep him updated of their Dad's condition, and it got worse every hour. We decided to go back after he had settled some of his office work in the morning.

On Tuesday (04 November 2008), when we were getting ready to go back to Kota Bharu, his brother text him again saying that people had started to read the Yassin to the father, and that Kalimah Shahdah was also read to him. I could see Hubby was already trembling. While Hubby was taking our bags to the car, his younger brother called and I answered his phone. I was told that his father had just passed away. Innalillah wa inaillaihi rojiun - it was then my turn to tremble - mostly because I would be the messenger of the sad news.

When he entered the front door, I immediately looked at him. He knew - mostly from the way I looked at him. I held his hand and told him. Then, I quickly gave him a hug. Both of us were in tears.

By afternoon, we were already on our way to UTP to fetch his youngest sister. His younger brother and his family were right behind us. From Perak, we made our way to Kota Bharu through Simpang Pulai, stopping only to fill up the gas tank and to stretch. It was a long journey and we arrived in Kota Bharu at about 10.00 pm. The family decided to wait for all of us to arrive first before immediately taking the arwah to the cemetary for burial.

I know how devestated Hubby was, but he had handled it well. As for my Mom-in-law, I could see that she was trying to be strong. But she couldn't fool us especially her sons and daughters. Hubby told me that his biggest regret was not being able to see his father on his deathbed and beg for his forgiveness. I wish he had that opportunity... it broke my heart to see him in that kind of situation. He was there when my brother died 4 years ago - from the day he was brought to the hospital till the day he passed away. He was also there when I was dealing with my own sadness. And I will be there for him too...

May Allah bless his soul... Amin.

ieja

CONFINEMENT ERA (Part 1)

I didn't stay at the hospital long... in fact I only stayed less than a day. Iqie visited me and took me home as well. At first when I observed him, he was all joy and laughter seeing a baby. I guess he didn't realise that the baby was going to go home with all of us and that his life would never be quite the same again.

At the hospital, he was excited when we presented him with Afeeq. He called Afeeq "Oya" as in Sofea - our niece. He called all babies "Oya" actually hehehee... When we got home, only then he looked a little bit confused. He must be wondering why the heck this little "Oya" was at home with all of us... and probably why wasn't he allowed to play with "Oya". Things got more complicated for him when Mummy had to fuss around "Oya" and sort of left him with Daddy and Tok Mak, or worst... at his own devices.

What he notices is that Mummy isn't available for him all the time now. Of course I feel guilty and terrible for not being able to attend to him all the time anymore.

Another dilema that I have is the problem of breast feeding Iqie and Afeeq. Iqie is so used to having the privilege and the luxury all to himself that when Afeeq came into the picture, he sort of retaliated. It used to be our bonding time - Mummy and Iqie alone. He doesn't hate his little brother for making him share this precious moment with Mummy, but he would claim his rightful place when Afeeq is done, or whenever he sees Mummy sitting down, not doing anything particular.

But one thing good did come out of this... Iqie is becoming more attached to his Daddy... and that Daddy is really having fun entertaining his little precious. It makes me realise how much I love them both and Afeeq, and how content I am with my life.

RAFEEQ SHARIQUE - 07 October 2008

I was blessed with a gorgeous little 3.49kg baby on 07 October 2008. The waiting was finally over at the break of dawn after Subuh at 6.17 am. Alhamdulillah everything was well with Afeeq and I. And like other Malay mothers I had to be confined and no strenuous activities were allowed. But my beloved Mom and Mom-in-law didn't actually specify blogging as one of the strenuous activities and forbid me from doing so... hehehhee. I was actually being tied up with other things... and the main one was my eldest son - Abang Iqie.

I want to remember what Afeeq's birth was like, so I'm going to describe it here - mostly for my sake. I had been having little contractions a few days before the "D" Day, but I thought they were the Braxton Hicks. So I went about my daily life as usual, enjoying my Raya holiday. I even went back to work on that Monday after the holiday and had a wonderful lunch at Roadhouse Grill Restaurant with the rest of the gang. I had the best day... and the funny thing is... I even told them that I'd been having contractions while having lunch!

Then, Hubby and I went to to see our gynea for our usual weekly check-up. After telling the qynea that I didn't feel that the baby moved enough that day, and that there was a red spot we were advised to go to HUKM for another check-up. So we went straight away trying to beat the after-work traffic. At HUKM, the doctor told me that I was 2 cm dilated already... and oh my god... was I surprised! She wanted me to be admitted, but I told her that I had to go home first to "sort things out". So I went home with a warning from the doctor telling me to come to the emergency room immediately if the contractions were stronger or less than 5 minutes apart.

So at home, I did sort things out... Iqie was submitted to my maid's care whether he liked it or not. Thank god he was an angel that night. We didn't even see him when we got home. Then, I repacked my hospital bag and ended up having two bags altogether. We then ordered pizzas for dinner. I showered and wore my going-to-the-hospital clothes. All the while, my contractions were getting stronger and stronger. I was in pain even when I was eating my favourite Dominos' beef pepperoni pizza.

The contractions were even stronger when Hubby drove me to "check-in" at the hospital. That was about after 10.00 pm. After another check up at the emergency room, the doctor confirmed that I was still 2 cm dilated... I was screaming silently in my head for them to GET THIS THING OUT OF ME ALREADY!. I seriously thought that I was like 5 cm dilated based on the contractions I was having. I was then checked in. It was midnight.

The doctor said that I would be checked up on again at 4.30 am and my eyes almost popped out... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WITH THIS PAIN YOU EXPECT ME TO WAIT THAT LONG?? So I waited "patiently" or should I say "obediently" in bed. From midnight to three something, I was in excruciating pain, and finally about 4.00 am when I just couldn't take it anymore, I went to the front counter and almost demanded to be checked. So they called the doctor, and WALLAAAAAA... I was 4 cm dilated, and they agreed to take me to the labour room. So I was wheeled to the labour room after they broke my water. I called Hubby straight away... Hey... I wasn't going to do that alone!! He was supposed to wait in the car at the hospital's parking lot, but when I called he said he was somewhere in KL. That almost freaked me out that I almost shouted at him... WHAT THE HECK WAS HE THINKING?? HE'D BETTER BE HERE BEFORE I START SCREAMING!!

It was about 4 something or almost 5 when I was laid down on the bed in the labour room, and thank god Hubby walked in in time. And so... the mission began... All the while I kept thinking about the last time I was in that similar room. It took me 6 hours before everything ended and Iqie greeted me. With the kind of pain that I was having that day... I didn't think I could last that long. I even asked to be operated on...I almost couldn't cope with the pain.

Then, at 6.00 am, it all started. When I told Hubby that I had to push, he said no... WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO..?? I'M PUSHING NOW AND I CAN'T HELP IT!! The doctor said that they saw the head already... WHAT..???? So I pushed and pushed until I felt as if something finally came out of me... I literally felt something popped out of me!

And there he was... all blue... and I fell in love instantly!!

ieja

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! (cont)

My birthday "celebration" started a little bit after midnight, just like every other year for me and Hubby. He is always the first to wish me - without fail! Then, I had to wait till morning to know what he had planned for me.

Usually, if it's not Ramadhan, the whole day would be made more special by him. SMSes, emails and all sorts of cunning presentations to remind me that it was my birthday (but mind you.. no flowers!! We're not into that!). I would be smiling the whole day. And usually, I would be given a wrapped present right after midnight and a cake would follow suit during the day. But this year is a bit different. I got the wishes after midnight, but not the present. Reason being, I was securedly wrapped in the cover with Iqie beside me, and he didn't want to disturb me feeding Iqie. So I had to wait.

But the waiting was worth it... hehehehe.. He did remember what I wanted this year and he got me exactly that and even more... I couldn't be happier. So this year, instead of parading new baju raya, I'll be parading my wrist...

Dear Hubby...
Oh... thank you thank you thank you...
I really really really love it...

ieja

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I'm older, but not wiser...!!!

Amidst the hectic schedule and the worries that I have over my delivery of my second child, I unintentionally had forgotten that my birthday was coming. I only realised that it was almost my birthday when I opened my group mail and was notified by Yahoo! reminder, plus a very early birthday wish from DiGi to remind me to reload to enjoy 50% more bonus 3 days before and after my birthday. How pathetic!

I usually made a big fuss about my birthday, especially to Hubby... but this year, it seems like everything else has been the focus of my attention except myself that I have forgotten to fuss. But I have certainly dropped a hint to Hubby of what I wanted this year for my birthday a few months back ;) so we shall see if he remembers and complies...

Growing older doesn't seem to have any significant impact to me. I certainly don't feel wiser or more matured. I just feel the same. I guess you can't really feel the difference unless if you actually look back and make a comparison between you-10 years ago and you-now. If you look at it that way... yesssssss... I do see and feel the differences...

Ten years ago... I just got back from the UK. With a whole new experiences and perspective brought back from a foreign land, I felt I had grown up and had the freedom to paint my own destiny. The values that I held were of a mixture of traditional and western. I was confident of charting my own success. But at the same time, I was imprudent, lack of wise judgement and selfish and ignorant and a lot of other negative adjectives that I can think of. But most of all, I rarely thought of other people and how my actions would affect them.

Today, in contrast, I am more comfortable being myself. I'm not afraid of being judged, I know what I am capable of and people acknowledge me for being who I am and for what I can deliver. Most importantly, I know what are my priorities, what I want to achieve in my life now and in future. I guess the "significant" 10 years have really shaped me well.

I have to admit, during those 10 years I have hurt some people including myself to get to where I am right now. Looking back, I would have done some things differently, but at the same time would have not changed some of things that I've experienced and decided on. If I have the chance, I would like to apologies to those whom I've hurt in the past personally. But I guess not all people are forgiving beings.

Now, like what I've said to some people, my family is my first priority. I know what I want to do and achieve now and also in future. The values that I uphold now are the values that have been embedded in me by my parents, the experiences (good and bad) and the lessons learnt that I had for the last 10 years. They will be the values that I will embed in my children as well.

ieja

EID ul-FITR

To those who are celebrating, I want to wish you:

Selamat Hari Raya
and
Maaf Zahir Batin

May Allah bless

ieja

EID MUBARAK & EID ul-FITR

I'm approaching my 9 months milestone... and just like my first time, it is as scary... like I've never done it before. The worst part is that I have to cope with Ramadhan and then Raya... I've tried fasting for the first few days. Thank god the first day was a holiday (replacement for Merdeka Day). But the other two subsequent days proved to be too much for me coz I have to be mobile all the time running here and there. And that actually had taken its toll. I suffered from terrible stomach pain and dehydration.

I've been advised to just break my fast. Thus, I've been sneaking around here and there to find secured places to just have a snack so that I can eliminate my hunger and thirst. So far, my colleagues have been supportive. Like there was one time, the girls who couldn't fast took a key to a Stream. We sat in there and munch our McD's burgers. The tinted glasses didn't help much as some passers by actually stared at us. So every time there was someone walking nearby, we would stop munching and try to hide our loots. It was hilarious and naughty...

There was also one time where we actually parked one of my colleague's car at the parking lot of a building and munched our burgers and nuggets in there. But since it was a private parking lot and it was not a break time, no one noticed us.

The experience was new to me as I had never bought food in the middle of the day during Ramadhan before. Usually I would just refrain myself if I was in public places or in the office. If I really need to fill up my tummy, then I would usually do it at home. Even during my last pregnancy with Iqie. That would be my practice as well. Never out in the open. Maybe this time around it was different because I have a clique of girls who happened not to be fasting and were willing to eat our lunch out in the open. They were willing to say out loud "Yes, I'm not fasting and I'm going to eat, but not in front of you!"

But the worst part is not having people staring at you in the car as if saying that we shouldn't eat because it was Ramadhan, or do it somewhere else! The challenge of this Ramadhan is the shopping part. I couldn't possibly bring myself to even look at the dresses and baju kurungs hanging on the display racks. Hugely because I basically know that I'm not able to buy them and that I won't be wearing anything fancy this year for Raya. That is really a frustrating thing...

But all hope of shopping is not lost altogether. I've planned to revamp my wardrobe after I complete my confinement period. I'm going to make a list of the clothing items that I want to buy and *walla* come December, I'm going to shop like mad. It's going to be either in KL or Bandung... so we'll see... All I have to do is be patient...!!

ieja

WHAT I'VE LEARNED SO FAR...

I was so caught up with work and check-ups and a lot of other things that I've been putting off blogging for quite some time now. Many weeks have passed and I've been in the Project for Knowledge Management for 5 months now. My first Project Manager has left for a better offer in a different firm. Try as we might, we couldn't persuade him to stay. What a loss to us and to the company...

So, during these five months I've been working with new people in a new culture... what have I learned so far?

1. Be nice to everyone that you work with - practise equality as it can take you a long way professionally and personally.
2. People do eat people in any line of work, but you don't have to be that person to climb up the corporate ladder. You will be eaten by other people if you practise this.
3. Office politics exits everywhere you go. But you don't have to get involved in any of it to stay ahead. Just be true to yourself and don't step on other people's toes.
4. If you want to stay ahead in the game, READ... do a lot of reseach on your area of work and be a pro.
5. Don't be a pain in the ass by assigning un-necessary things to your team members.
6. Work smart and play hard.
7. Get connected with your colleagues and team members to get them produced the best results.
8. Respect other people's opinions, you may not be right all the time.
9. When you made a big blunder, don't linger around it too long. Move on!
10. Share whatever little knowledge you have about anything.

The list can go on forever, but those are the things that I learned throughout my professional life.

ieja

THE ANXIETY OF GOING INTO LABOUR

A few months after Iqie was born, people asked me when was I going to have the second one. My standard pre-configured answer was "Wait till I can't remember the pain that I had to endure when I had Iqie". I was hospitalised 2 days before Iqie was born and had to be in the labour room for six hours before I finally got to hold Iqie for the first time. But now, try as I might, I can only vaguely remember what it was like in the labour room, and surprisingly those memories do not linger around the labour pain at all. I can't actually remember the painful part of Iqie's delivery. Allahu Akhbar!

I remember when I was carrying Iqie, the anxiety of going into labour was so great that I had packed for my hospital bag a month before my due date. I was also constantly monitoring the movement of the little one inside me. Questions about labour were also pouring in from the stupidest to the most intelligently-sound questions that I can think of. People around me, friends and family, had been very accommodative giving me all the right information and tips of what I really need to know. Combined with the little reading that I did, I was rest assured that everything was fine and that I was ready.

But this time around, it felt like as if I was having Iqie all over again. I still ask questions and try to convince myself that I am prepared. Basically, I feel that I'm still new in this "labour business" thing. But of course with some differences. For example, the eagerness to shop for this little one is not as intense as how Hubby and I felt before. The shopping is still thrilling for me (of course!!), but we have been putting off buying things for the baby for so long that I almost lost the shopping list I made. One reason could be because whatever is essential for the baby, we have it already. Courtesy of Abang Iqie of course.

We have also been a bit oblivious about the "customs" after delivery. I have totally forgotten about engaging a mid-wife for my "during the confinement" rejuvenating sessions. All those herbs and massaging and out-of-routine bathing that requires different types of leaves have been forgotten. How could I... Thank god my Mom doesn't know about this...

And the worst thing of all... I still haven't packed my hospital bag!!! And I'm in my 36 month. So you can just imagine the level of ignorance that I have this time... AND... we still haven't looked up for his name yet... No shorlisted ones and no consensus at all...

My God, how ignorant we have been. So sorry Baby... But, after writing this, I AM GOING TO GET ORGANISED!! And start concentrating on those things... Just in case...

ieja

A DATE WITH HUBBY (cont)

And so we went out as planned... Like what has been planned, our date started with an appointment with my gynea. But so unfortunate, the gynea was not in. So, that item was crossed out. Next, we went to 1 Utama. We went straight to GSC's box office hoping to catch the 12.00 pm movie. But we were there 10 to 12, and with the long queue and all, we decided to watch the 3.10 pm "Batman - The Dark Night". That left us with plenty of time for lunch. So we headed for Chillies and had a wonderful uninterrupted lunch. It was un-rushed and we did truly enjoy our meals and the conversation. After movie, as planned, we went on a shopping spree - mostly for the little ones. Instead of having a fancy dinner, we opted for a simple one... and our day ended at 8 something...

I definitely had loads of fun! And the movie was great, fast paced, full of actions and dramatic change of points - in short, we enjoyed it tremendously.

Secondly, we enjoyed ourselves enormously... and we've pledged that we would do this more often... we have come to a conclusion that having such dates would truly make us more connected and refreshed... a different kind of feelings.

Frankly speaking, after Iqie was born I would feel terribly guilty if I had to work late or left him with the babysitter on the weekends. I ended up making all sorts of excuses to the people at the office so that I don't have to work late or attend any function after work or on the weekends. I even passed the invitations from friends to socialise. After almost two years, I now realise that that shouldn't be the case at all. I am entitled to some time off from home without feeling guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty actually...

I would definitely keep going out on dates with Hubby and recommend to those newly-become parents to do the same. My advise would be... don't feel guilty if you have to leave your child or children at home with your maid or babysitter because you want to go to the cinema to watch the latest movie. We ought to have our fun time as well. We are human after all... we need to be re-energised and to some of us... this is one of the ways to be re-energised.

ieja

A DATE WITH HUBBY

I have been complaining to Hubby that we haven't been to a movie for years... yes.. believe it! It's been years since we last set our feet inside a cinema. I can't even remember what the last movie that both of us watched was. It could be The Lord of the Rings. How many years has it been then...?

So, tomorrow both of us are taking a day off!! The main purpose is... (take a wild guess...) to spend more time (the whole day in fact) together... but I would rather fondly recognise it as reliving our courting days... We have planned out the day carefully. It'll start with meeting with my gynae for my fortnightly check up. Then, we're going for a movie (most probably Batman), then shopping, then movie again (we haven't decided yet what movie it's going to be), then may be we'll end our day with a fancy dinner. But whatever it is... it's going to be just the two of us...

In all excitement, I still can't shake away one question that's been mingling in my mind. Why oh why do we have to take a day off to do all of those things...? Why can't we go on dates on a regular basis? It struck me then... ever since we have Iqie, we have sort of stopped being a "couple" and without realising it, we have assumed the role of "parents". We have never thought that we could still be a "couple" when we became "parents". I am confusing myself here hehehe...

What I want to say is that having a child shouldn't stop us going out on dates, just the two of us. We need that dating sessions to spend time together... to catch up on that "love feelings" that once were burning like the summer sun... well... they're still burning like mad of course, but in a different way. When I look back, most of our "dates" nowadays are threesome... I'm not saying they'rs bad... they are good family outings and all... but at the same time I really feel that Hubby and I need to have our "dates" back... just like the old times.

When I say that I need to have "dates" with Hubby, it doesn't mean that Iqie is left behind. Of course we have to balance between dating and family outing. We can't be concentrating on family outings only when as a couple we used to date. Such a dramatic change took place there... I strongly believe that "parents" should relive their "couple's" days... at least for them to stay sane... hehhehee... I need some space for myself and step away for a while from being a mother all the time and Hubby has his space almost every Saturday with his car enthusiast friends. I need to go out and meet other people too to reconnect with the world outside the vicinity of my condo.

Of course I have to emphasise that this is not a cry for more freedom... I love spending time with Iqie and Hubby... only that sometimes... there is a piece of me that just want to do some crazy things like what I used to do yesteryears...

ieja

THE BIG BLUNDER

I have been kept busy lately with work... (who doesn't...!). With the KM project kicking in, there are a lot of presentations to prepare, conduct and sit in. But hey... I enjoy doing all those things. I don't mind working till late at night... But with my time spent on work most of the time, I don't seem to have the time to read chedet anymore, or read the latest news (I'm reduced to the non-mainstream media nowadays, remember?), or catch up with my friends either online or offline. But I'll make it up...

However, today was a bit different. I had to be in Putrajaya for one of those presentations to one of the Ministries for our KM project. I was so engrossed with work and with my other colleagues that I absent-mindedly answered a call from someone from work called "A". Being me, I had to crack jokes first before asking what he wanted. The conversation went something like this...

*ring*ring*

Me:
Hello "A"... I'm not in the hospital yet.. (I'm due in October, but people are worried that I'm going to deliver early...)

"A":
Hi Liza, I've just confirmed a meeting with xxxxx at 2.30 pm today. Can you join us. I'll be meeting so and so...

Me:
OK, I'll skip xxxx's presentation in the afternoon. What do we need to do for this meeting?

"A":
Just print out the slides that we presented last time for about 8 copies.

Me:
OK. Are you in the office? Can you print the slides for me? I'll email you the file and I'll bring the folders with me later... and by the way... what's the agenda?

"A":
errr... I'm in a meeting right now... can you ask xxxx to print for you?


*At this point, I realised that it was so not the usual reply from my colleague*

Me:
errr... is this "A Hus" or "A Has"...? (nervously...)

"A":
errr... this is "A Has"...

Me:
OMG!!! I'm so sorry... I thought you were "A Hus"... I am so... sorry...

"A Has" is one of the Directors in the company...!!!!!!! I have just asked MY DIRECTOR to do some printing for me when all this while he never prints his own work... he has someone to do it for him..!! "A Hus", on the other hand, is my colleague that I work with... The whole room laughed at me... and I bet this will be the news for the day that will be delivered via multi channels...

So, moral of the story... when you label the names in your phone directory, make sure you label them clearly so that you won't make the same blunder... Immediately (still red-faced though - hot from the embarrassment) after I ended the conversation (rather abruptly I guess...) I edited both "A" names in my phone directory!

ieja

NO MORE A BOY'S TOY

As much as I hate to admit it (especially to Hubby!), I actually love my car. Yes, I enjoy driving my own car. You must be wondering what car am I driving now... hehehhe... It's just an old car, nothing fancy I swear... it's just a 1996 Honda Civic SO3. Most people recognise it as 2-door (hatchback) EK.

But what makes it so lovable? The fact that it's one of the chase-after cars makes me love it even more... hehehe.. but apart from that, I just love the performance. The 1.8 big Vtec engine adds to the thrill especially after I pay my toll. The exhilaration and anticipation of the "praaaaannnggg" sound every time I leave the toll booth are just indescribable. The highway or empty roads are other avenues for me to floor the gas pedal (I'm not like Hubby who can cilok anywhere anytime!).

Yes... people ask... what do a girl know about cars. You'll be surprised how much this girl knows about her car. I know what Mugen and Spoon are, where Kakimotor and N1 Racing are, what HOC and Zerotohundred are (even PMC!), what AFC and e-manage are. I might be a bit daft when it comes to the history of Honda or Vtec, but I sure do know the generations of Civic quite well.

But of course, I have to bow to Hubby. He's been educating me and filling me up with all the information (sometimes overload!). The education has benefited not only me, but (mostly) him as well coz now he has someone to listen to whenever he talks about his passion and understands it. But the greatest plus point is that he gets most of his gadgets for his beloved blackie in terms of his birthday presents, anniversary presents, father's day presents and if possible for him, all of the public holidays presents.

The minus point for me is very obvious as well. I get car gadgets as well for most of the special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. For a girl like me, sadly, jewelery is a rare thing (not that I fancy them much!).

There are still a lot of work to be done on the car before both Hubby and I are fully satisfied with it. The engine performance is not my concern as I'm happy with it already. Athough Hubby has been feeding me with a lot of ideas on how to make it perform better - like swapping the block, installing ARC radiator (my god... it's so expensive!) and a lot more. But I'm not buying them... Our primary concern now is the body work. We're waiting for the right time when we can swap the EK9 parts with the original ones, the suspension has to be Tien, the spoiler has to be Spoon and the body paint has to be black. We just swapped the exhaust from Vision R to Spoon... so we're almost there... hehehhee...

ieja

A MEETING WITH A CERTAIN KSU

Since I am in-charged of a certain Ministry in the project that I'm involved in right now, a meeting with the KSU is a must in order for us to kick off the project formally in that Ministry. The stories that was fed to us by our project sponsor were somewhat scary... we thought that they were exaggerating. Little that we know that this certain KSU would be our worst nightmare in terms of dealing with high powered people in the government. I have to say that although I've been involved with the Government projects a lot and met with quite a number of KSUs and Ketua Pengarahs, this certain KSU must be the worst among the lot.

Yesterday, we were scheduled for a meeting with him and his team to formally introduce the project to them, at the same time trying to pinch for a kick off. We've been patiently waiting for 2 months for this meeting to happen. Unfortunately, our meeting was conjoined with another project which was already running at that particular Ministry. We were already forewarned by the other project team members of the treatment that they got from that KSU. Even when we met up with some people in one of the departments in the Ministry, we were forewarned of the possible catastrophe that might befall us during the meeting.

So, highly motivated and mentally prepared, and with a couple of rounds of dry-runed presentation with the other team members as well as with the personnel of one of the departments in the Ministry, we thought we were armed and fully prepared.

Round one - the first project team presented their piece. Bang! Bang! Bang! One by one of their slides was shot down by the KSU. Some made sense, while the other comments were just some waste-of-my-time babbling. By the way, the meeting was scheduled at 2.30 pm but started only when the clock almost struck 3. The beating and shooting in round one finished at a little past 6 pm.

Round two - I presented our case. Based on the comments he made in the first round, I had to make a few adjustments to what I wanted to present earlier to minimise the shooting and to ensure that we met his expectations. But after a few slides, the shooting began... started with... "You private sector don't understand our ministry. We are not jakun (out-dated) you know..." and so the lecture began as how his Ministry was ranked among the best, had the best portal, had the best policies, acts and so on...

The mistake was... our slides on the current scenario of what most ministries are facing in terms of their obsolete / unstructured databases to ad-hoc processes within the ministries... of all the 10 situations that we presented, he said we were wrong... how can we possible be wrong (with not even 1 right!) when what we presented was from studies that were done by professionals. Whatever he commented contradicted to what he said in round one. Finding out what the Ministry is doing was an important thing to him for the private sector like us to work hand in hand with them (as what he commented in round one), but when we said that one of the approaches that we would take was to do a study in the Ministry in order to understand their business strategy and processes, we were told off and said to be wasting the staff's precious time. I only got to present our case for 10 minutes and the rest was his time to bla.. bla.. bla.. bla till 7 pm!

Well... what I wanted to say here is that when you are "up" there, a little modesty would take you a long way instead of being arrogance and not admitting it. Listen to people first before you form your own judgment. And if you have any negative thoughts, please keep it to yourself, and be open-minded of what people are offering to you. Being realistic and thinking out of the box help as well. Put whatever negative feelings behind when you have a meeting with outsiders because whatever comment you make will reflect you as an individual, as well as your Ministry as a whole.

If I had the chance to say my piece to him, I would tell him to grow up and take a walk out of his cocoon.

ieja

PUTTING MY BELOVED CAT TO SLEEP

Yesterday was an emotional day for Hubby and I. We had to put our dear Scooby to sleep... Yes... our 9 year-old local breed four-legged first son.

Nine years ago, Hubby (my boyfriend back then) and I collected a about-week-old kitten under the stairs of his apartment. We nursed and fed him. Involuntarily and with no unconscious effort, the bond took root. Since he was afraid of every little thing and sound he heard in the house, we decided to call him Scooby. The name suited him well. Although it took him a while to adjust to the love and tender loving care that we gave him, he became very attached to us and replied to our calls only . When Iqie arrived, Scooby was intimidated at first, but after a while he was OK... getting out of Iqie's way most of the time. But Iqie liked to chase after him a lot.

A few weeks ago, he went out and missing. We thought that he was kidnapped by someone. We went looking for him around our condo, calling his name in the hope that we would hear his voice calling back to us. To our relieve, he came back home after two days of futile search. He was bruised and the cuts that he had were pretty bad. So Hubby and I nursed him again with antiseptic and gamat. He became aloof since then, licking the medicine off his cuts.

When the cuts didn't heal at all after a few weeks, we sort of knew something was not right. So, yesterday Hubby and I took a half day leave and took him to the vet. The bad news came from the vet, Scooby was infected with a disease (I forgot the name of it as the news was too shocking for me to even digest!). Ergo, the vet advised us to put him to sleep, for the sake of the baby that is coming and the whole family. He said the disease could infect us human and the consequences would be bad. We could be hospitalised. He even wanted us to disinfect the whole house. And we did all those.

We were given time to discuss. At first, it didn't hit us. When we simply had to face our pet's mortality, it's like somebody had turned on the waterworks. I'm ashamed to admit here that I actually cried shamelessly in front of the vet, his assistant and two other customers who came in with their dog. I told the vet that I wanted to sit in when "it" happened. But again, he told me not to (what a wise advice.. or else I wouldn't be able to sleep for a week!). He said it would be too painful (not to Scooby) to me.

It took only a few seconds, and Scooby was gone! Lying motionless on the examination table...

I just can't describe how Hubby and I felt. But what I can say is that Hubby was all red eyes, a significant sign to show that he shared my sadness...

ieja

I'M WORRIED

It's getting worse every day. With the arrest, roadblocks and other things, I don't feel safe anymore. It would be different if I was still single with or without a boyfriend. But now that I have my own family, a son and another one coming, what is happening in Malaysia is worrisome.

I hate politics.. I guess I've said that enough times. I've tried my best not to talk about it. But the situations nowadays require everyone to be in the loop of the topic. That is what I want to avoid. Thus, most of my thoughts in this blog focus more on safe topics... I need to focus my thoughts on safe topics so that I won't be inspired to talk, debate or even pick fights with those who are too extreme.

I better start thinking of more safe topics from now on...

ieja

MY (WEIRD) COLLECTION

I like to collect. Well... in a way, most people do. But, the things that I collect are sometimes things that even I can't explain why someone would want to collect them. When I was studying, I used to keep things that are dear to me, or things that make me happy. I have a full box of postcards that I collected throughout my stay in the UK. They are everything from free ads postcards, postcards of places that I've been to, postcards with interesting and funny pictures or wordings or saying... you name it, I might have it.

When I look back at some of my collections, among them are small toys that often make me smile, I remember the old times. The fun times that I had with friends and other people... The times that I believe I would never have again...

But the problem now is that I'm too caught up with work and other things that I rarely have time to collect again, or even to enjoy them. They are being hauled away in boxes and I have even forgotten which box had I kept them. I supposed if these are the things that used to make me happy, I ought to revisit them once a while. But that "once a while" has never been in my daily agenda. Bad enough that I kept them away hidden in a box somewhere, but to stop collecting them?

I think I need to continue collecting these items. To restart my old hobby. They don't cost much anyway... and they make me happy. I wonder what my son would think of that... hehhehe. He may not be able to express his delights in words yet, but his actions would be enough for me to know if he approves my restarting of the old hobby.

ieja

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

You are my sunshine my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you
So please don't take my sunshine away

That's the song given and sung to me by Hubby. But when my son was born, that song (without we even realising it) was passed on to him. He is our sunshine. I realise that I haven't written about him in my blog and I guess it's high time I opened my private life to (just a little bit) to this cyberworld. Not for others to take a peek, but more for him (when he knows how to use the Internet that is) to read what his Mommy had written about him here...

During my pregnancy with Iqie (his full name is Rifqie Shaqirin), Hubby and I were eager. We recorded every development and kept all the scanned pictures. We read a lot of materials and subscribe to a few newsletters. As first timers, we had a lot of questions and worries, but alhamdulillah there was no complication or whatsoever during the pregnancy. The delivery though was a bit tough. I had to spend 2 nights before Iqie was born due to low amniotic fluid (oligohydramnios). Then, I was in the delivery room for 6 hours before he finally decided to come out. The doctor had to use forcep delivery to help him out. But he was OK, crying his lungs out demonstrating his vocal power. The rest was history.

As he grew up, Hubby and I were fascinated by what a child can do to you as parents. All of a sudden, you have this midget to look after (I had a few pets before, but that was different...), how we had to adjust our lifestyle, financial arrangements and a lot more to suit him. In some way, I even put my career on hold for a while... And all these were done out of love... We had pictures of him taken (Flickr) and videos recorded for almost every occasion (YouTube).

Now, he is almost two. And we are still fascinated with his development (well... as first timers I guess...) and with ourselves as well. So far... we haven't screwed up... hhehehe (not yet maybe). But with what's to come... there will be a lot of other things to learn and discover for us as parents and for him.

My concern now is how is he going to take on a job as a big brother when his little brother is born...

ieja

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MALAYSIA?

Whenever I read the front page of a newspaper, there will always be new news of corruption, allegations or other nonsense political related headlines. They make me sick - enough to make me stop reading newspapers altogether. What is happening to Malaysia?

I have told enough times that I hate politics. But nowadays, it's everywhere... what's with Anwar's new so-called "recycled" dirty political tactic of sodomy allegation, Najib's not-so-secret affair plus sodomy activity with the deceased Altantuya, with anti Pak bodoLa's move of getting enough signatures in a petition to ask him to step down, with anti Khairy's blog that claims that he's the one plotting every evil deed and the sole reason why Malaysia is in it's sickening state... and many more to add to the list.

As sickening as I find it everyday, I just can't go about doing my business without thinking what is going to happen to Malaysia. Who is going to be our saviour. Apparently, I don't see any public nor political figure that can lead us out of this mess. And I'm worried. Not only for me and my family, but for my son and his soon-to-come little brother, and other fellow Malaysians.

As a non-political extremist or supporter, I know shit about the implications of all this mess to our social and economic stands. But what I know is that it's not good at all for the nation to have this kind of turmoil. I sense (as an oblivious person most of the time) that there is no more peace, security and sense of belonging anymore. That scares me sometimes. And I also know that if there should be any foreign interference (by this, I mean the IMF) in our nation's financial activities, then there would be hell to pay in future.

So, who should I or rather we fall back to? I don't see any eligible candidate at all... And that's scary... so, what I'm going to do is to plan my finance cleverly so that when the bad time hits us hard, my family and I will be prepared for it. I also see that there is a need for everyone, not only me to have a contingency plan, well... just in case if the political situation gets worse and the extremists get more extreme in their actions. Migrating would be an option... hehheh but a damn expensive one... or... a sponsor to continue my study overseas is not a bad idea, and take the whole family along... yupp... why not...

ieja

Intellectual Capital

The title itself can be misleading. I'm not talking about something intellectual actually, just my thoughts on the sharing of our knowledge. On Friday (13/06/08), I had a very good discussion session with an intellect of my office. A 'doc' indeed. The group talked about intellectual capital or asset of an organisation. This particularly refers to tacit knowledge. My god... what the heck is tacit knowledge... hehehee.. why does my topic sound so intellectual all of a sudden.

To my understanding, our experience and knowledge that we gathered in our everyday lives are our tacit knowledge. We use this knowledge to make some important decisions in our lives, like when we agreed to marry someone. You may have had so many boyfriends before, but what made you decide to marry that particular someone. In the process of making that important decision, you have actually used your knowledge about him (of course making comparison between him and your other boyfriends is unavoidable) and your experience being with him for so many years. You actually derived that you can live with that special someone till eternity and beyond after you have calculated all the possibilities and teh what-would-have-beens. Well... that's a simply way of giving a meaning to a very intellectual word.

But what is interesting is that if capturing, storing, sharing and using knowledge is very important in an organisation (and in our personal lives for that matter!), why oh why our government didn't see that. Or... they may have seen how important that is, but being public servants, they are just too lazy to explore. Or... the initiative has been put forward, but there was no one to champion it... or, whatever..!!

Just imagine if our civil servants were highly effective people... we could become the most effective government in the world. And a lot of this sharing and using of knowledge would actually make them self-improved people. when I talk about civil servants, I really mean those from the top management to the lowest grade of staff. I believe that leadership by example really applies here.

And yes, when I talk about capturing, storing, sharing and using knowledge, I do make direct reference to the knowledge management.

ieja

DEALING WITH LOSS OF LOVED ONES 1

Yesterday, I chatted with a friend. Our conversation revolved around her love life, and without realising it, we took a turn to talking about deaths of our loved ones. She recently lost her brother. Her question to me was: how do you deal with the loss of your two brothers? It took me a while to answer her. At last, I answered: I never got into terms with both losses. It's as simple as that, you will never come to terms with death.

I had two brothers, one died when I was 20 years old. He was 12 years old. It was 13 years ago. I was then studying for my A-level somewhere in Cheras. When I was studying back then, I used to commute almost weekly to Johor. Yes... my friends said I was crazy, but I was too attached to my family (besides, I hated the food there). There was one weekend, we just got our first assignment, and I decided to stay back to finish it. I was in the IT lab one morning when one of the students there called me out and said that my dad had called looking for me. I thought it was weird of him to call me (he never called - I called him). He wanted me to call him back urgently. So I went to the pay phone and called his mobile. He was in a car or something. He told me to come back home straight away because my youngest brother just had an accident. Later I found out that he was actually in an ambulance carrying my brother to the hospital.

My heart skipped a beat, but from the sound of his voice, I was sure that it was a minor accident, and that everything was OK. So I packed an overnight bag and headed to Puduraya. I tried to find a ticket back to Johor, but because it was already noon, I could only get a 2 pm bus. I had a few hours to kill before boarding time, but I was too numb to do anything. I ended up sitting on one of the seats that they provided at the bus station. I was not myself of course as I still felt that there was something else that my dad didn't tell me. All the while, I was reassuring myself that nothing bad happened.

The bus journey took about 4 hours to reach my hometown. By the time I reach my destination, it was 6 pm. When I passed the first junction to my house, I saw a pool of blood. It was still there... and again my heart skipped another beat. I walked quickly and there at my house, a lot of people gathered. I went straight in and asked for my mom. In the living room, I saw books of Yassin. I found my mom still crying, and then it was confirmed.... I just couldn't hold my tears anymore...

I didn't even get to see him for the last time. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye...

The week I was at home, I was not being myself at all... yes.. who would... Things keep coming back to me, how funny he was, the tricks I played on him, how cute he looked when he made that cheeky face... Even the week after I got back to college, I was still not myself... It just didn't feel right somehow that he was not around... and the feelings that I experienced were out of this world, the regrets I had... I just couldn't express them. And the worse part was that the tears didn't seem to want to go away...

That was the first experience of losing a member of my family that I had to cope. It is still painful thinking about it...


ieja

I'M PISSED

What had happened in the past few days really really pissed me off. Why am I pissed? Well, for starter, the rising of the petrol price. Secondly, the rising of the edible items' prices. And last but not least, with the Government for not handling the whole situations right.

I have expressed my hatred on discussing politics, but it seems that nowadays, a lot of us (including Hubby and I) are drawn to arguments that are closely related to the topic that I hate. I'm not going to talk about politics as I believe the mainstream and non-mainstream media have that covered already. Besides, I hate talking about politics.

But coming back to why I'm so pissed off... Have you ever had a feeling when you are so frustrated with something and you just can't mouth it out to the right person? It's just like when your boss shouted at you, the most you could do is talk bad about him behind his back. But you would still have to do the shit work that he wanted you to do. What else could you do? Unless if you want to be in his big black book, then go ahead and rebel. But what kind of rebellious thing can you do to get the frustration and anger out of your system? That's what I'm pissed about. I'm angry with the Government, and there is so little that I can do to get the frustration and anger out of my system. I can't bloody throw a Molotov cocktail to a government building. I can't stop buying petrol or rice or sugar or whatever just to rebel. I still need to drive and eat. Oh.... bloody hell...!!

What used to be RM 70 per tank is now RM 100++. What used to be RM 200 per week for groceries is now RM 250++. Now, can things get any worse than that?

Ieja